My husband can never know someone like her exists.

I know people like this, and when you scratch the surface with some of them, it’s a total facade. They have cultivated this personality type as a defense mechanism/means of having some sort of personality because in reality they are bland, lame people. And this is a way to appear interesting or bold and like they…

There a million backpack/messenger diaper bag styles out there now. They look totally normal from the outside (neutral, plain colors) but the inside has all the organizational features. Bam. Done. This isn’t difficult if you spend 5 minutes in any baby gear store.

I want to star this all day. Even if they do these things together (trying cake together like two fat kid soulmates was a highlight of our engagement), he gets credit for participating and voicing an opinion. I’m glad my husband chimed in on what he wanted because as fun as it sounds, everything starts to get…

Isn’t the reason all murderers and such are known by all three names because the booking/arraignment info released to the public includes the full name? Which is probably helpful to differentiate all the John Gacy’s out there, I bet.

You know why most “sports movies” suck? Because there’s always some ridiculous love story sub plot because lord knows we women couldn’t just enjoy a movie about the game/athletes unless there’s kissing. It distracts/detracts from the plot and weakens the film overall. I get irrationally upset watching Hoosiers for…

Well, she hasn’t crapped out #2 yet, but apparently it’s the girl she wanted the first time around so she will probably be spoiled. She’s more over-protective than spoiling/can do no wrong at this point. Like, obsessively wipes down restaurant tables and stuff. Because bleach wipes are way better for a baby than some…

Plus they were all on antidepressants and hated their lives so they were probably a.) too fucked up to realize they were making total garbage and b.) slowly trying to kill their families because fuck this vacuuming in heels shit!

Hahaha, none taken! Not shockingly, we aren’t as close as we once were. She is pregnant with #2 and was fairly insensitive while pregnant with #1 (we had suffered a loss and apparently that messed up her plans for a big announcement which: STFU. Also, you’re not the first pregnant woman ever. Just tell people and be…

Hahaha, thanks. It was just the most bizarre thing. She told me her feelings in a really weird way, too. Basically, she had told her boyfriend (now husband) that all my (real, actual, about-to-happen) plans were what she had been envisioning for her own wedding and supposedly he said “Wow, is Suck It, Trebek trying to…

This is basically the plot of an Anne Hathaway movie and also something I have seen played out among women and it is real and awful.

You’re doing good work there, Dad. The children are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way.

The Penis Mightier for $400!

I made that same jerkstore comment at work the other day and half the room didn’t get it! We are failing our youth!

I went to school with a guy like this - constantly sharing pics on FB from “work” while he’s in scrubs. One of my friends asked if he was a doctor and I was like, “The guy who used to cheat off of me in bio? Not fucking likely.”

I just scalded myself with a french fry today because I couldn’t wait the 5 minutes to get back to my office to eat my lunch and tore into those fuckers like I haven’t eaten in a month, despite KNOWING THEY WERE HOT AS HELL.

SAME! I will occasionally have one if my stomach is upset, too, but even then that’s rare.

When he talks about their kid?? I LOSE MY SHIT.

Not necessarily. For some it appears early and burns out quickly. Like, I didn’t reach Peak Bitch until 15 but by 17 I was back to being a nice person. Not necessarily mature or smart, but pleasant to be around. :)

Everyone needs to have this feeling once a week. I highly recommend it. I also feel this way whenever I wear this leopard print dress my mom convinced me to buy. I look like a pit boss’ girlfriend and I fucking love it.