Take a star, you goddamn monster.

I believe the correct term is “stomple”.

Goddamn, that’s beautiful.

I got this - this one is easy - truck drivers should be purchasing sufficient amounts of call options on companies involved in driverless technology. Problem solved.

Deep Throat thinks you should further investigate the “side sausage” order on the Spaghetti Factory receipt.

Correction: you drive home and have supper.

Sherman should have finished the job.

McCarthyism, huh? Wasn’t that the time period when we put people on trial for treason?

Hot take: Turkeys are just gravy delivery devices.

#1 - pita bread and hummus

Tried to urinate in a 2 liter bottle of Dr. Pepper while driving my mom’s 1986 Pontiac 6000 doing 65mph on Interstate 90.

“Meh. How well does he write term papers?”

I think we had a referendum on this last November and decided to take away the blacks’ voting rights as a first step?

The invisible hand. . . is diddling your children.

By 2022, it will be “Sir Demarcus Cousins”

Poor, poor Britain. It’s alienated all the cool kids, so now it has to play with the weird kid that eats glue and smells funny.

Sad but true - we all know what’s coming next (the terrorist attack that galvanizes the base and ushers in a police state), yet we are powerless to do anything about it.

Actually, Bannon prefers to call Mr. Trump “my gimp”.

But those emails, bra.

Hey, whatever gets you through the night. . .