The crazy thing is that we all know exactly what is next - the domestic terror attack that galvanizes the base and provides the justification for police powers - yet we can do nothing about it.

Siena Rider is an awesome porn name.

I peed myself laughing at this. . .

First rule of golden shower party: lighten up on the pre-party asparagus.

Correction - an inferior, malcontent, more injured Dwayne Wade WITH A SEX BELT.

Gaylord Perry. Cool name, dominant pitcher in his day (before the grey hair / spitball / Mariners thing).

When #17 is in the hospital getting his foot amputated because of diabetes, I'm sure he'll look back fondly at this clip.

Which candidate would you rather have a glass of water with?

-America

“If a nasty flu strain spreads around this season, the team could be sporting 2-3 “In Memoriam” patches on their jerseys.”

My 7 year-old daughter loves sports and is learning all the NFL teams. The other day, she named all of them to me, leaving out only the Kansas City Chiefs.

I was a tableside cook in Madison in the late 1980s, and cooked Randy Wright a Steak Dianne. I shit you not - when I gave him the steak knife, he promptly fumbled it to the floor. Don Majkowski would have seized the knife and used it to comb his mullet.

Sharon McDowell was LEGITIMATELY hot.

Somewhere - probably in a Waffle House or an Arby's - John Rocker is smiling.

Not pictured: excellence

Frankly, I love how the Bengals have become the Raiders without the tradition or past success or interesting characters. I'm waiting for them to fly a "Commitment to Excellence" flag while a bunch of Oxy addicts from Newport with tiger-stripe-painted nutsacks hang out in the end zone stands.

Packers fan here. The East Dakota Vikqueens can eat a dick. I hope all your daughters start dating Mark Chmura.

Hard pass. I caught a staph infection from a ball pit at a Dolton, Illinois McDonald's Playland, and I've hated those things ever since.

Hell, I still call Chicago 'Fort Dearborn'. Not sure if the new name will catch on.

Wait, the Houston Texans are a real team?!? I thought they were just