I’m pretty sure their employer is perfectly happy with their language, as am I. I hope Donald Trump and his band of despicable, evil sycophants all get arrested for their crimes against the people of America.

Are you new here? Have this complementary bottle of water and strap the fuck in.

I’d like to take this opportunity to welcome you to the Deadspin community.

Counterpoint: My parents never asked me about my day. I promise you, that is far far worse.

Yeah but Victorian 18 is, like, present-day 31.

If so, that was some very slow-acting poison, given that he hadn’t even starred in The Karate Kid yet.

“Why is the BET network called BET?”

My grandfather (who was polish) used to say “What do you call someone who’s black and blue and lies in the gutter?” “The next asshole who tells a pollock joke”

Is your grandfather an actor?

Have a relative who is quite racists and when you ask him why, he doesn’t have a reason except “because they’re n*****s”. So trying to converse with him about why is pointless because he apparently has no specific reason, and to be honest, I suspect this is true of many who are racist and live in rural communities…

As a bartender I try to curb then off with a joke. A very specific joke.

Old Soviet joke; What do you do in case of nuclear attack? Wrap yourself in a sheet and walk slowly to the cemetary. Why slowly? So as not to cause a panic.

I felt horrible going to the Trump well so frequently but it’s a fucking goldmine of logic examples

I think his rage is currently focused in a way that makes him do non-terrible things for once. I appreciate it, but I don’t forgive him (or CNN, or the rest of the media) for the way the acted during 2-year election season.

Close, but I think they are going with the “Actually, Trump never said that” defense. Which will be followed by the “Even if I did, it’s totally fine for various illogical reasons”, and capped with the “Hillary is more racist, why aren’t people talking about that?”

My favorite thing about sober kid conversations is that they’re exactly the same as drunk adult conversations.

Paying the bills. Those Cohen Bros. gigs can’t do all the heavy lifting.

collecting a paycheck. *shrugs*

Why, WHY, did you put that in my head? I just learned last week what “soaking” sex is and for some awful reason, my brain chose THIS moment to float that idea as a Stephen Miller option. I’m trying not to vomit 🤢

I’m more interested what he thinks about the cops that worship the Punisher and put his logo on their cop cars. That’s the most horrifying one for me.