Oprah? Fuck me, was the Prince of Darkness or the guy who played Carlton on Fresh Prince of Bel Air not available? Why waste it on Oprah Fucking Winfrey? She dances worse than white people. She is the opposite of the person in the front row that catches Prince’s guitar... This just ruined my Friday. Damn it all to…

Teleportation- It would work like Nightcrawler’s power- If I’m holding onto someone, they teleport too. Travel and commute, done in a snap.

Morocco Mole?

No TV until Saturday.

That kid is mine... He kicked Mrs. Amy at preschool the other day because he didn’t want to lay quietly at nap-time. Mrs. Amy is the best... And he kicked her...

Hence the creepy laugh... We should have seen this coming!

If Vladimir Lenin and Bruce Willis had a love-child...

When he starts crying to the point where you can’t understand what he’s saying, his ratings go through the roof.

We did an overnight soak in the washer machine with a full scoop of oxy-clean plus two Tide pods in cold water. This works for dirty white polo shirts (school uniform), grass-stained baseball pants, you name it.

I don’t assume shit, dumbass! I know

Fuck off! Maul was a dude.

Simmons is becoming the Michael Scott of the show.

• At least they’re still neighbors..
  

I bet those Navajos’ smart phones have a fun time keeping up.

Studies show that you should shut up. Daylight saving time is awesome!

The state has yet to lose a single lawsuit.

Word on the street is that Durst gives sensual massages as a side hustle. Travolta hired him, not knowing who he was, and asked if it was cool if he gave a reach-around. Durst said, “Are you John Travolta?”. The rest is history...

I had to google her to find out if she was the super hot ford model that was his xylophone player for a bit. Nope.

I watched Walking Dead instead, but did Jimmy Kimmel cry in his opening monologue?

It was DeLonge or a guy who looks like the human-incarnation of the Simpon’s Comic Book Shop owener guy... They went with DeLonge.