DUDE. SO MANY THINGS IN BUTTS IN THIS BOOK. Incendently, i read this on a trans-atlantic flight in the mid ninetys. Masturbated in the loo. Mile-high club, party of one!

"SHE WILL ATTRACT BEARS." That pretty much nails the absurd fear behind the shame we attach to being on our periods, doesn't it?

That's one hell of a come on.

How about one (or more) that detects STDs?

Boobs for one night? Can we please please please start referring to this procedure as "Cinderella Tits"?

I thank the Universe for the gift of Dolly.

I, for one, can't WAIT to see this shit performed in drag clubs.

Gotta keep a bitch in check, microphone check! Yessss this adds a lovely layer of slight offensiveness to a generally enjoyable song, unless I am hearing it wrong?

No white dancers!

I am pretty certain there were white women in the mix anyway. I thought it was a cute song, throwaway pop, sure, but still cute. She represented all kinds of dance, didn't seem to be "appropriating" any of it, but rather was just having fun traveling through all the styles. She clearly wasn't in earnest as a hip hop…

I'm all for pointing out cultural appropriation and calling out those who perpetrate it, but I fail to feel outrage over this video. I mean at least Taylor thinks that it's a dance equivalent to ballet and interpretive instead of going, "eww black girls shaking their asses, yuck". And if all the dancers were white,…

I think UV blocking parasols should totally be more popular. I get mocked for using one and people call me an old lady (especially because I'm Asian and it's pretty common to see old Asian ladies walking around with umbrellas/giant sun visors), but whatever. Keeps the sun off and gives me portable shade so I stay…

This story comes, as do most of my better ones, from my time working at Space Camp. I was working an adult weeklong camp during the off season and it came to the time of week when the campers participated in their extended mission which was eight hours long. I was working the SpaceHab area which is the self contained…

I wrote this sketch for (and with) Laverne, and someone sent me the link to this post on Jezebel. I've been reading the comments, which I've generally found to be thoughtful. I understand there's a great deal of sensitivity around the subject of trans, and that was absolutely a consideration when writing this piece. I…

Any possibility of a Bob's Burgers cameo?

This is the Comcast cancel call equivalent in nightclub booking.

I've written this elsewhere—I am clearly too invested in ninja warrior—but the weight thing is absolutely relevant. Being as strong as she is at that weight is incredible. Being light theoretically helps when she's hanging off things, because she has less weight pulling on her grip, but in practice someone that…

Taylor Swift's experience doesn't sound nearly as bad as the time I chopped up jalepenos then went to empty my diva cup :(

I hope Yoko Ono isn't my Secret Santa this year.