You know, the ballad "To All The Girls I've Loved Before" really starts out strong with all the earnest contemplation about the people we choose to let into our lives and share are bodies and vulnerabilities with and what not, but then it quickly devolves into some weird first person plural shit. I'm sure there are…

"...and you can't spell menstrual cramps without men, am' I right ladies!" Oh Mo'Nique, I can't believe you just went there, while peeling green beans none the less.

Caught The Other Guys on cable earlier, I almost forgot how brilliant Michael Keaton was as Captan Gene. "Don't go chasing waterfalls." Our greatest comedic actor, no debate.

Wasn't trying to play the role of drive-thru eavesdropper on the Cutlass "Supreme" in front of me at Arby's, but when the words "on a side note...." followed by an extended awkward pause enter into the dialogue between a customer and his or her fast food merchant, well then I am left with no other recourse but to…

Wow, boilerplate bromides from a liberal warmonger. I can't wait to not download this to my non-existent Kindle.

I'm not sure how many people have seen him in A Face In The Crowd, but it really is worth a look. He plays a sort of sinister proto Glen Beck media charlatan.

George Zimmerman is the real victim! Not really, but this new commenting system has made Gawker unbearable.

I stepped on a sprinkler head bare foot earlier tonight, and it fucking hurt. I wanted to rip it out of the lawn and toss it over the fence. I didn't. I just wish inanimate objects could feel pain too, sometimes.

Is Giovanni considered attractive? I mean I can sort of see it with the soulful eyes, but he always seems to be cast as the nebbish second tier sort of fellow.

Well, I don't remember any male characters ever being funny on The Golden Girls. I just remember a rather sizeable number of kind-hearted over 60 bachelors being objectified and sexually degraded every week by that Blanche character. Thank you for being a friend? Yeah, whatever.

That list was a joke. Where are the Tara Reids? The Gabrielle Carterises? As if these omissions weren't enough, they had the unmitigated gall to not properly index Tempestt motherfucking Bledsoe! Forbes can now consider my non-existent subscription to their magazine cancelled.

Actually went into a Sears today for the first time since high school. It was like following some magical soft spoken minotaur through a time portal to the year 1997. It was exhilarating at first, what with all the Lee Dungarees, Sketchers, and car batteries, but I eventually came to the bittersweet conclusion that…

An early bloomer, I suppose you could say I too was exposed to turtles and dicks at a very impressionable age.

To the older gentleman seated next to me in the elegant Tommy Bahama shirt at the airport Chili's Too ,who with a solemn face lamented , "...there has not been a Triple Crown winner since 1978." It gets better.

Is it morally reprehensible to mark email sent from your grandmother as spam? I'm not saying I did this or anything, but there comes a time when an inbox can't handle anymore regurgitated Fox News Alerts or rambling narratives about the Vicky Lawrence show you caught at the Indian casino last week. Not that this is…

She seems to play the same role for certain liberals in the media, as say someone like Juan Williams over at Fox News. Whenever I've seen her on Maddow, it has been some of the most cringe inducing programming in the history of cable television. We're talking Urkle on Full House levels of self-loathing.

Freud's pleasure principle! Of course, how could I have been so myopic? I shall be indebted to your keen wisdom forever.

I'm not sure how much of an investigation this should warrant, but I've always been a little confused about some of the lyrical context regarding "Who Let The Dogs Out?" by the Baha Men. Did they mean who let the dogs out, because I love animals and these furry rascals are delightful? Or did it have a more severe…

Tending to the whims of 550 self-absorbed narcissists living under one roof? What is she a residential adviser at one of the dormitories over at Wellesley? Yeah, that's right Wellesley mother fuckers!

For the love of god would someone please give Leonardo DiCaprio a laxative. He has had that same facial expression for at least a decade, and the only thing I am ever able to take away from his films is that he seems tortured by impacted fecal matter.