We debated this one for a while trying to parse out Scherzer’s exact string of words, though some of them are pretty obvious. I think we’ve settled on “fucking bastard motherfucking bitch motherfucker” and now I can’t see it any other way.

This might be an unpopular opinion, but stereotypes are often based on a grain of truth. There are a lot of black people where, if you poison their children, they won’t think it’s fair to tell them they have to pay for the poison. Oh wait, not just black people, people in general are like that. Well, whatever.

You’re going to get a lot of idiots saying “oooh look at the grammar police... blah blah blah” but these guys are paid to write, and someone is paid to edit, so it’s fine to point out their mistakes. Deadspin is a site wholly based on professionals’ mistakes.

Man duels can’t melt real teams!

More raisist than sexist but whatever.

Mike, obviously.

Every day he looks at her like it’s the first time he’s seen her. That’s just love, baby

Look, the wrong man wasn’t just going to arrest himself. These officers went out and made something happen.

No, no, not /every/ part....

“Pffttt! Been fired more times than Sabrina, but I am still here.”

The rest is explained by their insistence and belief that New Jersey is actually New York.

ReiNCe PRieBuS

Extremely rare? I’d call that extremely well done.

The hospital where I was born was demolished two decades ago. I think this means I technically don’t exist. WooooooOooOoooo spooky!

-1 productive cornfield

You know what nobody’s said on their deathbed? “I wish I’d worked more.”

The paths of Hernandez and Gronk could not be more wildly different since 2012.

He died doing what he loved...