Ooh, I got one.

But you can’t really dive with a pool that shallow.

Wrong. No one is funnier than Paula Poundstone.

BARREN LIKE MINE FIELD OF FUCKS FOR THIS DUMB PERSON.

Nor can you disprove my theory that she is an agent of Satan sent to manipulate us into thinking that we’re being punished by God so that we’ll do something real dumb to get back in His good graces.

um, okay. not sure why though. just kidding. sugar rush from the poptart.

TOASTER STRUDELS > POP TARTS.

did they look like this?

Secret spite.

Anyway it’s a great reminder that flats are handy because you never know when you’re gonna need to run from a dinosaur in the middle of the workday.

God, Madonna really is desperate these days.

Did you change some of the products because this doesn’t look at all like what you describe. I would say you have one of the best after pictures I’ve seen in this entire series. You still look incredibly natural and fresh-faced but more polished and I say that as someone who does not even own make-up. I think you look…

That Nordstrom woman was just atrocious. Even with the shitty treatment, I’m amazed that she made no attempt whatsoever to show Renee how to use liner. The only reason I have a “favorite” Sephora store is because the men and women that work there are super attentive. Sure, the six greetings get old after a while (but…

I used to Spite Buy until it occurred to me that I probably make 4x their salary. So now I only buy exactly what I came for unless the customer service is phenomenal in which case I might buy a little of what they are upselling me to help a girl meet her quota. If only these stylish little snotbags understood the…

Obviously, Renee’s salesgirl made a big mistake. HUGE. And then there should be a montage of Renee buying expensive ‘80’s clothing with lots of expensive shoulder pads. Montage should be set to an ‘80’s montage-song, like “You’re the Best” or “Push it to the Limit.”

I mean, not that Herrera is setting the world on fire, but it’s 100% true that if you show up to a major fashion event and you are just one of 12 famous ladies wearing sheer netting with strategically placed appliqué, you just aren’t that interesting. It’s like wearing a strapless ballgown to prom.

So what I’m getting is no wire hangers, but yes to just over-lining the absolute hell out of the edge of your mouth.

Hahaha, thanks! If I ever have kids I’m going to keep all my weird navy blue lipsticks and pass them down to my grandkids and be like “Now back in my day, grandma was what you would call a ‘dirty dirty punk kid’. Now let me show you how to mosh, form a circle pit.”

I’ve mentioned before how much I love these articles (always fun when you pretend to be a vampire who lived through these decades on a weekly basis) but wow this.