I forgot a critical story in my timeline of public explosions:

All of these stories are bringing back memories of my lifetime of puking and shitting at inopportune moments. A highlights reel is in order:

This is the first comment that I’ve read by a SNAP user where I can’t muster up any empathy. You are not entitled to energy drinks. Your writing is abysmal for a person claiming to be working on a graduate degree. If your post was actually already “edited for spelling nonsense” and you consider your post reflective of…

I just spent about a half hour reading other people's cat love stories. So, I felt compelled to show off Age 3 and Mr. Lahey. These sumbitches are fascinating and I enjoy singing songs to them and making up dialogue while watching them cuddle or wrestle. Sometimes they allow me to snuggle them quite rigorously.

You know what's best? Cats not being euthanized because potential owners are told they need to feed a cat a raw diet that is probably better than what most humans eat. Just like humans, a cat's ideal diet varies by individual. My previous cats would eat kibble, raw and canned food. My current kitties will not eat…

It took me a few months to realize that my one kitty came declawed from the shelter, I was like "when is she going to start clawing the shit out of everything? I hope she picks the previously clawed areas." Although she doesn't seem to suffer physically from her alteration, she is more playfully bite-y than other…

they are ugly. But, so much wedding shit is ugly, who cares?

Word. Or just ballet slippers...some of this quirk is just ugly.

So much ugly. Platform sneakers ate the tankini of shoes. You can't have it all bitches.

Tone deaf and unfunny. This post was not interesting or witty. Bill clinton and Bruce Jenner. Your snark is disgraceful.

Wow. All the people I know who pay in cash don't do so because they have bad credit. They don't rack up credit card debt by paying in cash. That's a shitty thing to say about someone who gifted you cash.

Tell us a little more about your obsession with 48 yr old women's asses and why they disgust you so much. Did you accidentally get a boner one day in public after one of those disgusting women dared bare her non-pert office ass in yoga pants?

Why? Seriously, why? Yoga pants are grand—they are comfortable and cute. I do the Yoga, but who in the fuck are you to judge my comings and goings? What about Yoga pants bothers people so much? I don't get mad when I see big white tennis shoes or crocs in public, both of which are triggering to me.

Yeah, finger tatts are a bad idea. They fade and spread and age poorly in general. Our tattoo shop won't even do them. Instead, hubs got my whole name on the top of his hand, which ultimately looked cooler than a little ringlet. I got a real ring and am going to wait until he's dead to get a tattoo in his honor.

I will wear whatever fucking t-shirt I want to the grocery store. If a nice old gramma wants an explanation, I will tell her to keep her eyes off my tits. Is there a rash of dog/cat blow jobs going around that we have to be super sensitive about?

The fact that you're haunted by a T-shirt that you saw one day is unbelievable. Your name has "boobs" in it, but people can't advocate for enjoying vagina?

I can assure you, the Midwest is quite familiar with "fuck" and I daresay some of us are capable of seeing it on a shirt or reading it in a book or fucking saying it out loud and not being scandalized; there are some of us, however, who do take great offense at sweeping generalizations about what people think about…

Easy solution, ask to switch seats to accommodate the offense you feel at someone's attire. I'll take a quiet klansman over someone spilling into my personal space physically or with their overpowering BO or perfume. Or screaming or ill behaved children. When I think of uncomfortable travel situations, someone's…

Um, no, because the shirt would be irrelevant at that point if there were serious bomb concerns, wouldn't it?

What if we were separated at birth? I am also domestically disabled—I can't see dust or clutter. I don't think you should be ashamed of the Jackson 5 though. What about Kelis and Bossy? That song sometimes helps me through a tough time.