Fun fact: “The Touching is, To Me, Off Limits,” was the original title of MC Hammer’s 1990 breakthrough single. 

“....AND the BOOK was GREEN, Dog.”

Who buys “brand name” storage containers?! They’re like 90% as good for $6 each“off label” all over the place.

Who buys “brand name” storage containers?! They’re like 90% as good for $6 each“off label” all over the place.

It’s called going “all in” in blackjack, kemosabe. 

*folded. It’s called “folding” in Blackjack. 

Rondo’s blackjack face when he got caught was something to behold--he acted like he had a royal flush, but all he had was a nine and a deuce.

Chid?

A quote from the 1980's metal band, Warrant, perfectly encapsulates why Edgar Martinez deserves to be in the hall. To paraphrase “[...]think about baseball, swing all night.”Martinez was a pure hitter. He could swing all night, baby!

Chid is not a Chud.

I know you’re lying, because why would a Neighborhood Business Association host a so-called, “All Star Saturday Night?” I bet you’re not even old and beige!!!!!

Why pick on Nikola Jokic? He’s got enough to deal with! They don’t make Life is Good t-shirts in 5XL, for example.

James Dolan just jizzed his pants.

This is one bet that he didn’t buy insurance for. At a certain point, he’ll probably want to surrender. But like poker, it’s all about confidence. I see no reason why he can’t double down on this one. I’m just surprised he made the bet duration for 30 days instead of 21.

MVP of my heart of hearts. 

Eddie Lacy - soon-to-be MVP of the Birmingham Iron.

You use your ass to sit on a bar stool. 

I used to just tip at the end of the stay when I traveled for work (often 1 night per hotel), but one time I stayed 3 consecutive nights at the same hotel in Iowa. The first night, I emptied my pockets on the dresser before bed—probably 40 cents or so—and left for work the next morning, thinking nothing of it.

The last time I saw Bill Simmons, he was tastefully abstaining from an argument for eugenics. Even the Sports Guy has his limits!

It’s never polite to correct someone. One time I read I food blog where some idiot wrote out a steak recipe that involved a microwave and marjoram (on a steak! what a idiot!) but he seemed happy with himself, so in the words of Mick Jagger, I “let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.” 

Every recipe I use, I learned from an old woman who learned it from an old woman and on and on. It’s like that song from Grease, “You’re the one that I want, hoo, hoo, hoo, honey.”