Poker - a gambling card game in which players try to acquire cards with a face value as close as possible to 21 without going over. 

BECAUSE IT’S FUNNY AS HELL, JOE, AND I’M TALENTED AND SUCCESSFUL

“A guy who can pitch and catch? Now that’s what I’m talkin’ about!” - an earnest, baseball-loving 8-year-old

“Everybody is always telling me that the sky’s the limit and that the cup is only half full,”

{February 2015}

Shut up about the Paris Agreement already!!!!

What year is this video game from, 2009? These graphics are bad.

If Mikey “The Great Girthy Golden Stick” Schmidt doesn’t like him, I say they send Asdrubal Cabrera back to Binghamton to let the Rumble Ponies teach him the basics of major league jacking.

What the Astros are doing is impressive, but the record-breaking pace of 1979 White Sox will never be surpassed.

Why say “Five Gulf Nations cut ties with Qatar” when you can say “Five Gulf Nations break Qatar strings?” That’s web journalism 101, Wags.

Every word I say is real talk. Like my grandfather told me when I was a boy, “Your word is your bond. Talk real talk, tittyboy.” RIP, grandpa.

Oh yah, man. Us cool guys get all the ladies!!!!!

Frank Deford was one of the finest journalists of his era. He wrote clean prose that got to the heart of matters. He was an innovator, and I’ve heard he was a wonderful mentor as well. Even so, I always preferred his rival, John Dechevrolet.

This is just another empty gesture ESPN is using to prove they’re not too Liberal. Well, if they ever want to win ME back, they’re gonna hafta:

Which sandwich do you recommend when you’re down 5 points on the 31st?

I’m no Paul Beatty, bub.

You know the expression, “lying like a baby?” Well that baby is a liar. There’s no way that Philadelphia Frantic stole her bottle. Formula tastes gross and breast milk is too sweet for the human palate. Sure, you can argue that the Philadelphia Frantic isn’t a human inside a series of fuzzy garbage bags, but having…

ESPN once stood for

GET THESE YONGE STREET TRUTHERS THE FUCK OUTTA HERE

Did you know that the longest street in the world is Yonge Street in Toronto, Canada, measuring 1,896 km? It’s true! The record was granted by an American committee who saw the “km” after the 1,896 and said “I guess that means it’s big? Whatever. Next time measure things the normal way.”