Yeah, but for god’s sake, WHAT DAY OF THE WEEK was the game played on?

Maybe not, but you did explain why sports can’t just be a bunch of grown men wearing nothing but matching socks, running around the circumference of an elderly care center, reminding elderly men and women what a young, taut, athletic body looks like.

Never gonna happen! In any negotiation, both sides need to make confections and bring something to the maple. Roger Goodell is as stubborn as a mute, and Brady is chomping at the bitch to be redeemed. Sounds like a real stormy romance to me.

I don’t think we disagree; this man absolutely should pay his dudes. But I think you meant to say “alcoholic beverages should be BLAND inside stadiums.” Let’s not throw out the baby with the backwater here. Craft beer in stadiums is the real villain.

That’s pretty good and I especially like the way you incorporated my favorite Anne Rice novel in your punchline.

You meant to say “SLIP on the wrist.” A slip is a women’s loose fitting dress or undergarment, you see. The expression “SLIP on the wrist,” means that something is nonsensical.

He did a bad thing, but putting him behind bars is not the answer! NEWSFLASH, consuming alcohol actually increases the likelihood of violent confrontation! It’s only a matter of time before he starts drinking on the job, and then what? More fights!

You’re want to talk! The expression is “BALL someone out.” Ball is a slang term for testicles, and once again, I don’t see how Winston’s sex life relates to his edibility.

Hold your corpses. I know what “rake” means, but I don’t understand why you need to bring Winston’s past digressions into this.

Not so quick! Winston is a man’s name. You would bake him over the coals.

I think you meant to say “BAKE him over the coals.” Coals are a source of fuel that may be used to cook food. It’s sort of embarrassing that you messed up such a common saying, to be honest.

It’s Summer Camp all over again! They hate each other. They can’t stand to be around one another. They talk shit on one another until they lose their voices. They do everything in their power to make the other person miserable. That’s just how it goes. Then one night, beside a campfire, under a flannel blanket and a…

Who can blame him? If I had a superhot like megahot, hot girlfriend that my god said I couldn’t make sex with, I’d be mad frustrated too. It’s tough being the best. Like Jesus said that one time, “My head hurts because of this crown.”

Another example of “rush to publish journalism.” The video and the photos prove that the banner might exist, but this story is completely lacking the money shot.

Not surprising. Frankly, I’ve been unsatisfied with the way this entire news story has been covered. In an effort to be “first,” something very obvious has been staring the media right in the proverbial face all along. “Balls” is a slang term for male testicles!

After reading this, my very advanced 5-year old won’t stop saying the motherfucker-word and now my child’s childhood has been ruined even worse than when her mom wouldn’t let her play with a yo-yo because yo-yos are a sex metaphor and her mother was revolted by the sight of them and also me and that’s why she left us…

“I don’t usually go for meats wrapped in other meats. Turducken? No thanks. Scallops wrapped in bacon? I’ll pass. Chicken Cordon Bleu? Not for me. But one strong, young man stuffed with another strong, young man? Well, that just sounds too good to resist.” - Jeffrey Dahmer

Other things that killed the Warriors: rival gangs, police officers, drug addiction, sexually transmitted diseases, a train, stilted dialogue, and gentrification. The terrible apartments they lived in are worth millions now. Should have invested, Warriors. Should have invested.

I guess they’re still pretty close, and that’s cool and all, but there’s no need to brag about it. My little league coach was there when I lost my virginity, and the tears were in my eyes, and you don’t hear him blubbering to the Mercury News about it. “Act like you been there before,” Coach Barry would say. I did. I d…

Clearly they haven’t been keeping up on the news did you know that if you have sex with the wrong person in Detroit this sex ghost that only you can see follows you and like there’s nothing you can do to stop it even if you have a lot more sex with other people and it’ll be a total bummer no matter how much great…