“You can’t get involved and break up a fight nowadays the way lawsuits are and everything? Liable to get yourself arrested. Nah. Let’s just stand here and enjoy it. Matter of fact, get yourself a Honey Bun and while you’re at it, get me one too. Two is even better than one. That ain’t right. Look. The little one just…

“Dad?”

I’m not gonna sit here and beat around the bush. There’s an OBVIOUS cultural problem at play here. This one murders a dog. One of them thinks dressing like a Nazi is A-OK. One of them intentionally splashes molten nacho cheese all over an innocent woman. Enough is a goddamn nuff! Princes are OUT OF CONTROL.

Can’t believe Tabitha Soren, Kurt Loder, Matt Pinfield, and Jesse Camp all said no.

“These Duggar girls are in horrifying, horrifying outfits today. One of them is wearing a red onesie and she’s sucking on a pacifier!” - Tony Kornheiser in 2010

Be thankful that you’re writing this in a country that has journalistic freedom, Tim. Qatari blogs such as BuzzFeed would not allow unfiltered content of this nature!

Autocorrect mistakes can happen to anyone. Just the other day, I texted Dingo Den “Thanks for TE best sex I’ve ever had. Same time tomorrow?” Boy was my face red!

The secret for ducks is in the blood flow system. The blood in the foot of a duck remains very cool at all times, yet warm enough to keep the tissue healthy.

What’s the point of even talking about this? We all Goodell is only going to suspend Mayweather two games unless there’s video evidence.

(Maybe Google+ too, but no one would ever know.)

What is the average human life worth when measured in very delicious sandwiches? 19? 30? 100?

sidespin.kinja.com

Can’t believe I starred a Wenis joke.

Bryan Adams is a Canadian musician known for his powerful voice and husky vocals.

RIP Al Davis.

You still work here? I thought that guy from Barstool got you fired and then had radical gift-sex with Britt McHenry on top of a pile of money he won for being so awesome.

Like sexual intercourse between two humans, Baseball is a game of rhythm and inches. Your greatest adversaries are your own mind and body. Both may include spitting.

This is why I hate these new-media types. They’re more concerned with making sure their camera is This Year’s Model than reporting the facts.

Don’t you dare bring my faith into this!

I don’t know what you’re talking about.