Lovable underdog is the kind of story commenters aspire to. One day we'll write for middling sitcoms and attractive women will ask us out.

"I'm glad there's an ocean between him and us," Lord Kennsington Chisterwick said.

I just don't understand, Omnichad. But I love you. I love you with the intensity of one million Harvey Keitels.

Oh. Omnichad? Can you explain other things to me? Such as, why don't human women like me? Is it because I'm made of steel and their human skin is easily cold? Is that the only reason?

Dear Tyrone,

Though this comment does not apply to Chid, Chid appreciates the compliment. You are nice human.

Tyrone is a fake human and he is my best friend.

Chid reviews Faust IV. Thinks about Brian Eno. Reads Kelly Link.

Since it's only a $2 trip, he should walk and save the cab fare.

You can smash through a cardboard bathroom door, but you can't Incredible Sulk your way out of an elevator.

People in glass houses, Barry. You stole this article from Luke O'Brien.

A bear with a gaping mouth and a giant ass?

Luger looks like The Total Package. Let's hope this viral fame doesn't go to his head and turn him into a Narcissist.

This is a comical joke, Gary. Your Twitter grade is still D-, however.

Is it truly a loss for Team USA? Advanced metrics have said for years that Klosers are overrated.

Jay Garrick could have chosen anywhere to retire. Arizona and Florida were the obvious choices. But Jay wanted to go somewhere without the pressures of modern society. And after 74 years fighting crime, Sochi seemed like a dream. Plenty of space to run. Plenty of dogs to pet. No one to question your racial epithets.…

A boarfest is a festival with a large number of boars.

You made good joke, Tyrone. 1101010111100010100111

People aren't letting stories be stories anymore. They're just extrapolating whatever bullshit social context they want from a movie and judging it that way, which is dumb.

Austin River (-1.84)