I would rather eat great big gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts in a room full of angry bees than anywhere near Bannon.

She kinda walked off the stage. I was waiting for a more dramatic accident, like in ice skating (which I enjoy watching...for the falls).

Crickets. You can buy tons of them at the pet store.

He was a complete prick and deserved burning balls! Her ex was really into running (and that was his excuse to go on “long runs”) and wore those compression socks that he used to flip out if she put them in the dryer. So we took one and put it inside the gas tank of his car, so it would show there was still gas even…

My sister also rubbed Ben-Gay in the crotch of her ex-husband’s underwear. She screenshot the furious texts of his questioning her laundry skills and she told him he prolly had an STD from being a manwhore...pretty sure we peed our pants on that one! 

Return them covered in cat piss and sardine juice. Fuck the guilt.

Sending positive baby vibes your way! How exciting...listen to your body, it knows more than every person that will give you advice. 

I’m 47 and my kids think it’s hysterical to sneak up underwater while in the ocean and pinch my ankles. I scream bloody murder!

Beautiful Fall day for pumpkin picking! Didn't take the chickens long to find and eat said pumpkins. Assholes.

My sister was supposed to babysit when I was 5 years-old (she was 16) so she took me to Drive-In movie to see JAWS when it first came out. Scarred me for life! I also feared a shark coming through drains in pools and refused to step foot in the ocean that summer. My Dad knew of my fear and called my name while he was…

Cooking classes! I moved to the boonies with my boyfriend (now my husband) and went to a darling little farm house twice a week and made new friends.

That’s why we need kids to look out for ond another. They started these programs in middle school and all of my kids find them their most enjoyable school activities.

I feel like we are all this fucking cat right now.

Cat bliss

My son! He’s 17 and his homecoming dance is tonight. He broke up with his girlfriend this summer after dating 2 years (she cheated and broke his heart) and he’s on the soccer and football team (kicker) and active with AHA-Athletes Helping Athletes (a great organization!).

This cat is my spirit animal right now.      On my last fuck to give😂

“I think the only danger is we lose sight of the pervasiveness of the problem. I don’t want us to believe that people who assault others are special. It turns out that they are less special than frankly, I would like them to be. It’s just too common.”

Fred Douglass just did a facepalm.

His goalie gloves are probably loaded up with sticky grip so a belly rub that any normal person would give to a submissive dog might be a hairy situation.