NOT A FISH. DISQUALIFIED.

When pressed for comment, the mayor retreated to her bridge where she belched fireballs and threw hammers at anyone who tried to save the princess.

im kind of confused. what does this have to do with bill simmons

I’m a big fan of this phenomenon of sports media personalities telling us what huge boxing enthusiasts they are, so that we understand the importance of their particular takes on a fight that every living human has an opinion about.

Looks like you qualify for up to $3.5 million.

Don’t you have Eagles workouts to go to?

.

"This is not a drill! It's a hammer and nails... Now let's see if you can actually complete a fucking cross, Tim."

Screw the NFL. It's not the Dolphins' fault that they can communicate with free agents via echolocation.

Lynch's agent: "9 million signing bonus, 1 million base salary, 1 million roster bonus."

That's because you're an asshole. And not just an asshole, but also a complete moron without even the most limited logical reasoning skills.

I'm guessing she was a Tressel fan, even Pryor to the tattoo.

Miami: A great place to be wealthy because your dad was.

If only there was a detective available to help Allenby find the assailant. Someone exclusive to the islands.

Sacramento? Vegas? Who the hell is Forbes polling? Appraisers of vacant lots?

How crazy would it be if his last game ever was losing to the Colts?

and that's the news from Lake Yeobegone

You should sign off with a notice that you're about to be making some upgrades to Kinja.

A very serious oversight.