Except for you know, Miami...

If they offer that jersey in Alonzo Mourning I will fucking fight anybody except Alonzo Mourning for it.

If you don’t think what Wade did tonight fucking ruled, we can’t be friends and also please throw yourself into a dumpster.

This is how legends are made.

I know one of the managers responsible for this innovation. She pretty much starts every casual conversation about work with an apology.

EMINENT DOMINION

New level of losing: The Broken Tibia Game 

Go back to school, herb:

Fan behind Loria: What a fucking snake.

That’s a burner. So Miami doesn’t find out about the cities he’s screwing on the side

C’mon, that coat’s enormous. It had, like, 7-9 pockets.

Might wanna check the last few lines of the post, buddy. (Admittedly, I failed to include any made-up dialogue between Bell and his pitcher. Very sorry if you felt put out by having to imagine that yourself.)

Wimbledon Announcer: Hope is the thing with feathers.

My dad works with George Springer’s dad; He said that for years, George Sr. would play up George Jr’s accomplishments and they’d all roll their eyes. “George is going to start for varsity as a freshmen”. “George is going to make the All-State team”. “George might get drafted, but he’s going to get a full ride to…

Last year in Chicago, an alderman proposed new garbage cans that would keep squirrels from chewing through them and warned about the potential of them attacking people. Well, they got him. The mother fucking squirrels suicide attacked him while he was out riding his bike.

Oh great, now Durant is going to jump ship and join Bud Light this offseason.

That’s why I don’t watch the local news. Nothing but endless puff pieces.

A friend of mine is a sports writer. Another friend is 6-foot-5 and cannot dunk. Friend No. 1 saw Dominique Wilkins at a game somewhere and caught up with him afterward, asking to interview him for a web feature, just one question. OK, says the Human Highlight Reel, shoot. Friend No. 1 stops, frames up ‘Nique in the…