You should probably delete your Twitter account if you have one.

Jeez. Probably time to pull the plug on this Schiavo guy.

I think I just switched teams.

Due to budgetary cutbacks, it's actually how Grambling relays the offensive coordinator's call from the booth to the sideline.

So Miami sent video of it, the Pats did it to the Saints, Rob most likely told Rex about it so the Jets alert the refs, the Pats go to the well one too many times get caught and Pats fans throw the biggest bitch fit since White Chicks.

Fox 4 reporter: "Mr. Cuban, LOOK AT ALL THESE MICROPHONES!"

Jesus, Kool-Aid Man. You really need to learn how to bunt, considering you're a pitcher and all.

At that moment, I knew that we were through the looking glass. Peyton, me, everyone couldn't believe what we were seeing. Some tried to stop him, but me, I could only stand and stare. No one was going to drag Irsay away from that horse. He had the mad look in his eye of a starving hyena after the last remnants of a…

CDC: Coach, we're from the Center for Disease Control. We'd like to do a once-over on the locker room after the team leaves. Are y'all close to departure?

The mating ritual of the New Jersey male continues to mystify anthropologists.

Fan in Chrebet Jersey: [punches woman]
Wayne Chrebet: [Gets placed on IR]

Colonies...you mean like India, who supplies about 85% of the U.K.'s edible food? (the other 15% coming from a crepe shack in Hampstead in London)

Mark Sanchez noted that Chastity was already out of the question, mainly because her high school mid term exams were this week.

As a Red Sox fan, I feel secure in knowing that all of us will make your lives insufferable if Boston wins.

Shit. Can't believe I missed that opportunity. Thanks for picking up the slack.

Holy shit, is this reasonable discourse between people of differing opinions in a comment section?

The Colemans also claim that Daisy was mercilessly cyber-bullied by classmates, and that the unsupportive community in Maryville eventually drove them out of town.

Rivers: "Nnnnhh, peppermint roll!"

Were you trying to set a world record for most strawmen and false equivalences in a single sentence?

And I think here the message is twice as powerful because it's delivered by the controversial Notre Dame mascot.