With that damn bell ringing so loud, it’s no wonder he got distracted and didn’t realize he had a lap to go.

Now NBC can use him for both moments in “the thrill of victory” AND the “agony of defeat”.

I’m going back to soccer.

Their movie parodies were always my favorite. Still remember the ‘Raiders of a Lost Art’ parody with Inbanana Jones, Marryin’, Bollix, Professor Mucus Crony, and of course Salaam, the target of way too many racist Arab jokes. At one point, Inbanana was digging for the Ark in the model in the Well of the Souls because…

I don’t think anyone truly believes that we disrespect the game or disrespect our opponents. We have the utmost respect for England and every team that we face.

—and her father.

“...enlisting the influential agent Jeff Schwartz of Excel Sports.”

They say his novel, The Hunt For Beds In October, was an instant classic. I’m hearing good things about his latest, Of Clear Tape And Present Wrapping.

That’s the name of the main character in my Three’s Company/Hunt for Red October fanfic.

Do you run a nuclear power plant? It’s possible one of your employees has a daughter who found the bear in a bag of ice.

I miss the old days when the subway cost two bits and you’d wear an onion on your belt, as was the style at the time. 

All he has to do is go to any game between the Oregon State University Beavers and the University of Oregon Ducks and he can yell “Beavers and Ducks!” aloud in a stadium or arena full of people and it would be totally appropriate. Someone should let him know.

Mexican Pizzas are great.

Stephen Root IS brilliant in…

“I feel like everyone should have that day where the thing that they’ve wanted for a long time actually happens, and it’s the only time in my life that I’ve had that feeling.”

I went to the Misfits reunion last year.  Suicidal Tendencies opened up for them.  Dave Lombardo drummed for both bands.  

“I have a headache.”

Kindergarten Cop 2 ?!?!?!?!?

The Decemberists do spell their name with an extra 'e' to avoid confusion.

(And yes, we know Woolery also hosted The Love Connection, but this is a Scrabble house.)

You're a generous tipper.

That’s nothing! I’ve had five circumcisions. They gave up after realizing they were just making it mad.