Aaand you just ruined pudding for me. Blech

What kind of creepy ass school did you attend?

I actually find her more irritating when she makes sense.

Meanwhile he gives off nothing as much as “corpse” with his deepset, dead eyes, his greyish, flaccid skin and general deportment.

Oh! I kind of love when they do that.

I think it every day, but this one’s for you, Kenny. Men like you make me happy to be fat and ugly. The fact that you wish I didn’t exist just makes my existence that much more meaningful.

My bf sneaks my (one beauty splurge) L’Occitane cleansing oil. For his beard. I’m going to Nair him in his sleep.

He’s a grown man whose nickname is, I shit you not, “Puddin’”. I am sickened by his behavior, though not surprised.

If you think that I should lighten up, well I like watching women in a bikini drinking beer or chomping on a Carl’s Jr burger. How about you?

Here he is, presumably describing the ideal proportions of a lady- about this tall, with no teeth, and a flat head you can rest your beer on.

Wow.

Wait a year, and maybe President Trump will arrange a yuuuuuuge greeting for you at the airport!

Wow, America, you are really making me want to come back this summer.

Neither was I. I was like, Christina, that’s only twelve years ago, you little whippersnapper!

My husband uses all of my bath products and then insists he only wants the combo shampoo/bodywash for himself. But I know what’s going on in there. Oh, I know.

Re Christina Applegate: Steve Carrell got the most obvious hair plugs imaginable between Seasons 1 and 2 of The Office. His hair line moved forward an entire inch.

The man offers good party advice.