As a wee puffin, I named my stuffed pig Demetri after Balki’s stuffed sheep.

Did you deliberately choose a version without Ann Jillian? :)

You know it!

Literally texted my bff yesterday “Imagine being the guy who plays Uncle Joey in the Lifetime Full House movie”. I hate my life right now, but at least I’m not that guy.

We don’t get the lifetime channel. How is that even possible? Does that mean there is a reality where people pay extra for it?

How would you feel about your life if you accepted a role playing Dave Coulier in a lifetime movie? Like would you own it and be stoked? Fake name and cash your check?

I only watched it because it was part of the “TGIF” block with Family Matters and my all-time favorite:

Yo, after my abusive experience, I reminded myself, and other people to always have an emergency fund just in case. It’s enough for rent and food if ever something serious happens.

Chelsea, you and I, we are simpatico.

I only know mavourneen as a play, so I’m not sure? Haha. Oh yeah I mean I was always pretty. I got a bit of hassle for my nose growing up (I gotta schnoz!) but I was never AMAZING looking. I looked pretty much like a French Jew with blue eyes. It’s the kind of face that gets better, haha. I also managed to keep my…

I went to school with a girl who was genuinely, supernaturally beautiful. Like, avert your eyes when you talked to her because it was weird she existed looking like that gorgeous. She was raised by a mother who was VERY invested in her marrying UP (which was odd, because she was pretty up socially, or at least I think…

I think that I am a reasonably good looking person, but I don’t think that I was ever drop dead gorgeous. I have watched girls, now women, who were really beautiful fall into some super sad situations. I think it might be because they didn’t have to develop other parts of themselves, and when their looks started to…

This is very deep and now I feel sad for kim too. She is not going to go gently into that good night. She is going to nip tuck and smoosh her way into the grave. We will be forced to watch this thanks to social media. We will be helpless.

There’s a part of me that feels very sad for Kim. Being great looking can go on and on. But not being flawless. And there are literally thousands of images out there highlighting something fleeting and impossible to recapture. Maybe she’ll be pragmatic about it. But I think I’d be haunted as I aged.

Duggar caught with an account on Ashley Madison...

Muslim-free. Idiot-abundant.

I’ve been toying with the idea of “gladenfreude”, where I try to find vicarious joy in other people’s good fortune. But that can wait until tomorrow. For tonight, my friends, we freude the schaden. (I mean, if I can barge in?)

We were blessed with Duggar on Ashley Madison and now this. Oh, what a lovely day.

It’s a great night for schadenfreude.

People should never tell you who they think you look like.