Luckily (ha!), I gain 10-15 pounds every winter and lose it in the summer. You could try that.

Please stop appropriating "victimhood culture" then. No one wants to hear your fucking whining, for sure.

And my darling is just so popular at her daycare. It really would only be hurting the other dogs and people if I got a dogwalker. (Which actually is comparable in cost, boo)

"surgery when she gets attacked by a dog at brunch"

No, really, I sometimes look at my puppy and think how cruel it is that I haven't given her a little human to play with yet.

Nothing but the best for the best, and I don't feel even a little bad about it. Totally worth it. We're spending money on quality food and doggie daycare. My dogs bring me immeasurable joy. My lifestyle is healthier now that my weeknights include walks, weekends include hikes and trips to dog-friendly beaches. More…

Look, I know that rich people pain is still real pain. But I'm convinced that if I were drowning my sorrow in champagne flutes vs. boxed wine poured into wedding souveneir glasses, things would be better.

I mean, I have to have something to do while I'm unemployed. FMLFMLFML

Death isn't the most severe punishment the state could give. A constitutional amendment might be in order, but if the court doesn't think this qualifies as "cruel and unusual," why not torture? If this guy's crime is really the worst (and I think it's up there), then why not advocate for a lifetime of waterboarding?…

Holy hell. That is unbelievable. You would think OK would have done everything in its power get it right given the appeals and controversy over these injections.

Private entities which are the subject of Fox News' worship! This is business winning, and money speaking — no worries, dear talking heads. The whole racism aspect must confuse them regarding which side they're supposed to take.

Algorithms that know me best: 1) Google; 2) Netlifx; 3) Amazon; 4) Facebook; 5) Pinterest.

"I have pain when I have sex."

No, Kim definitely doesn't share even an ounce of Kanye's talent. But I have a subscription to Vogue, and this cover was actually much better than their usual. This month features Emma Stone, and while I like Stone, it's a total snoozefest, which is pretty par for the course. It's like we're comparing the Kimye cover…

Nikki Minaj deserves her own cover. We don't need to trash Kim to campaign for a Nikki Minaj cover! I think Kim was a great accompaniment for Kanye. It was a gorgeous cover.

I have a (gifted) subscription. This was a very beautiful cover. The average Vogue cover is not more compelling than this one, so I don't see why people are getting so fucking upset about it. I love Emma Stone as much as the next person, but her cover is a snoozefest. People are just obsessed with putting women in the…

Well, I can see how this is a good catch for a gold-digger. But I'd still give her a little more credit — even if she overlooked his horribleness at first, the recordings make it clear that she eventually started calling out his racism.

Yep. It's not shocking to me that Sterling was in a relationship with a minority because his attitude — "I can replace you with a girl who will change for me" — doesn't show he has much respect for women anyway. Also, the fact that he was so comfortable publicly stepping out on his wife doesn't speak much to his…

Yes!! I kept saying to my boyfriend: "this guy is an idiot. I can't believe he is so rich and such an idiot. That is my takeaway here." Meritocracy is dead.

I'm not really sure whose side I'm on here. But "dog in heat." Wtf. You win by default.