The thing about these examples and other answers like them is that if you fuck up the delivery you will sound like a jackass

This dirt bag needs a brain bleach chaser:

Wear your beard with pride, go chop a tree and wrestle a bear or fix a computer...y’know whatever dudes with beards do. I don’t know your life but do it with a beard!

KRATOS HAS A BEARD.

You can set a timer on your phone, or use a kitchen timer, or play yourself a song and give yourself until the end of the song! :)

Do whatever you want: It was never good.

Oh the boy can swim this time.

How difficult is dating in your 30s? I’m married with a couple kids and all these flirting and dating (including online) articles are terrifying. I don’t remember having to do these things in my late teens/early 20s. I’d be scared to ever have to start dating again!

Alternate title of article:

What are you going to do with the other 9 minutes and 30 seconds?

It’s completely splitting hairs, rape is rape, but he only digitally penetrated her (as far as anyone knows)

Onions! So useful! That’s why I wear one on my belt.

Wait... I think this is some Poe’s Law at work here. Like, this is sarcastic, right? This is making fun of the SFCC thing, right? Either this is a good joke that a surprising amount of people aren't getting, or something terrible is happening here.

“I would get along with the King of Shadows. I would talk to him, I would get along with him. He has absolutely no respect for Lord Nasher.”

They’ve already said they’re not talking NX at E3 this year.

My four bags of shredded coconut say “hey.”

Find someone with a Verizon discount, they offer 35% off Hue stuff.

A hologram AI? Lightweights.

So will there be ghosts at the opening or not?

I think people make excuses to do what they want. “But I’m just soooooooo busy. I HAD to stop at Burger king! I’m just soooooo busy!” You don’t *have* to do anything. You make time for what you prioritize. There is someone more busy than you right now NOT eating a big mac because they chose not to.