If anything, the relatable story is old friends reconnecting at a wedding or milestone birthday weekend, having a great haven’t-missed-a-beat superficial experience, gradually realizing that your lifestyles, budgets and politics have diverged, then desperately going back to surface-level nostalgia before returning…

Eh, it’s no big deal. Dennis Duffy left it on a water taxi one time.

New No No! “Well, if conservatives lose Roseanne Barr, liberals have to get rid of Bill Maher.” 

Cops are always saying how overworked they are and how dangerous their job is. But apparently they have time and resources to send 8 units to dish out some extrajudicial punishment on a parking scofflaw.
Maybe if they stopped assaulting people for no reason and went back to placing a tickets on windshields, the job…

“I asked one other person I know who would have witnessed the incident” isn’t a shit move, it’s perfectly reasonable.

Better rule: Don’t clap unless the band encourages you to do so.

“Big Dookie! 9-1-1!” - Tim Horton’s manager

Better rule: Don’t clap unless the band encourages you to do so.

Of course he got a reference to international waters in there.

I don’t have anything quippy, just glad Deadspin has someone good reporting on hockey

About half of the cyclists were going the wrong direction anyway.

It sucks so much when Q&A audience members make the question about themselves.

Theory: The slimy black critter convinced Ptonomy to help the monk escape. It did something similar earlier, when it convinced David to help Farouk find his body. Future Syd is just David’s rationalization for an irrational action - and Ptonomy had his own, which we weren’t shown.

It pains me to do this(it really doesn’t, i thrive on this) but that’s not a one-timer.

Shunning people who think “Dilly Dilly” is cool. A tradition unlike any other.

The Gang Goes to the Hammer Museum

And I don’t want the world to see me, indeed.

In that case, send her at night.

Now someone please give Claudia her own show, dammit. Does her mother have to enter her in a competition to get her own series? 

Birds are good. Did you know that if you give a struggling cancer patient a bird, it magically transforms their cancer from being their number one worst affliction to their number two worst affliction?