Yeah, how come that kid isn’t holding up the front page of today’s paper?? J’accuse!

A preliminary YouTube search finds a single grainy video of her, dancing around kinda goofy at the local Rotary Club. It’s mostly just adorable.

Finally - a candidate who isn’t completely touchtone-deaf.

Even the model looks disgusted with the whole idea.

God knows I’m no fan of the K family, but Jesus Christ!

Yeah, short of a back-to-the-film HD remaster or something like that, My So-Called life should be left alone. It’s fine just like it is.

This is an important topic, people.

Were you the one with the ‘55 Chevy that Mom made you park in the street so it wouldn’t leak oil all over the driveway, or the one with the ‘64 GTO with the 15" street slicks?

I was imagining an almost identical scenario. Also another, wherein I survive, but only by driving like Abe Simpson. Not sure which would be worse.

Hey!  My sister owned a Mustang II, and, well...actually that checks out.

Yeah, gosh, that’s the night I’ll be picking the lint out of the flaps of my tighty-whities, sorry regrets k bye.

“...And before he be cast down to the Depths, Donald Trump was made to raise and cup his tiny hands, that all mankind might pee unto them...”

So, when did Donny Osmond have the top of his skull band-sawed off just below the eyes and reattached to Chris Matthews’ bottom half? Man, you can’t even skip the news for one day anymore.

I had to take a summer-school gym class in order to pass from sophomore to junior year.

“Oh, you,” says the desiccated corpse with a malodorous sigh.

Yeah but .005% is only like 50 parts-per-million better, so...
Plus, bears are kinda scary, so subtract that...
I dunno. I guess I feel OK about it.
Hey!  Pizza’s ready.

Meanwhile, let’s pour one out for those poor defenseless spider gears...

Hold your calls, we have a winner.

Wait, I... I don’t get it.