Hey, it’s about time Burlington Coat Factory got a little competition, those snug bastards.

Time to smack that freak-out button, Fox News! Ahh-ooo-gaah!!

Every day smells like a private wine and cheese party in my room.

True fact.  It will change your life a little bit.

Sheeit.  Compared to my Chevy HHR Panel, this thing’s a fishbowl.

Jesus, we are so jaded anymore...

I am thankful for all the good cooks in my family (I am not one of them). Our Thanksgiving stuffing has always been something to look forward to; it holds its own with every other dish on the table.

In lieu of the above, will you accept a Xander Harris Snoopy dance?

He’s starting to resemble one of the doodle pages from my notebooks in high school.

I bet that still Gins-burns.

So, 2 new hobbies?

Had to log in just to star that.

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Hey, don’t punish all Alaskans for a few dicks in their government! (Besides, I’ve always wondered what pattern we’d choose for a 51-star flag.)

I dunno about $20K, but those trunk hinges alone are probably worth more than my car.

NO SKELETONS WITH EYEBALLS PLEASE

Kanye doubles down
America eats it up
Lather, rinse, repeat.

That, combined with the fact that his communication skills amount to him basically just saying whatever it takes to get to the end of the sentence he’s currently in the middle of. Plus a lot of sniffling & wheezing.

When we were young teenagers (maybe younger? Can’t remember), some of my idiot friends and I went around randomly spray-painting crude, gigantic genitals of various types on the sides of houses in our quiet neighborhood. I remember being giddy with the sheer absurdity of it in the moment, but the next morning after we…