Hey, don’t punish all Alaskans for a few dicks in their government! (Besides, I’ve always wondered what pattern we’d choose for a 51-star flag.)

I dunno about $20K, but those trunk hinges alone are probably worth more than my car.

Oh, You...

I was just thinking marshmallow or used charcoal briquette. :o/

NO SKELETONS WITH EYEBALLS PLEASE

Kanye doubles down
America eats it up
Lather, rinse, repeat.

That, combined with the fact that his communication skills amount to him basically just saying whatever it takes to get to the end of the sentence he’s currently in the middle of. Plus a lot of sniffling & wheezing.

When we were young teenagers (maybe younger? Can’t remember), some of my idiot friends and I went around randomly spray-painting crude, gigantic genitals of various types on the sides of houses in our quiet neighborhood. I remember being giddy with the sheer absurdity of it in the moment, but the next morning after we…

The Sharpie fumes made him do it.

By that metric (and several others), I presumably share one or more genetic Lego blocks with Elsie the Cow from the Elmer’s White Glue bottle.

Now she’ll have a few free days to finish her Felisha costume.

God DAMN it.

Hold your calls, we have our T-Shirt of the Week:

When you’re right, you’re right.

I dunno what that means, but imma go ahead and star it anyways.

The only appropriate role for Jared Kushner would be a brief appearance as “The First” in the unaired pilot episode of Buffy the Douchebag Slayer.

Not just strange, but inaccurate. He came home with 100 of his closest friends.

I was thinking the same, until I noticed, to my horror, the concentration on the right side of the wheel.

I have a closet full of items like this. I can’t get rid of them because they were gifts, and I can’t set them out anywhere because they’re fucking ridiculous.

That style has a certain East Euro ring to it.