Who is this young woman and why is she in my house?

Pfft.  If I had that kind of money, no one would ever see me again.

In other news, that GIF is such a bullseye-accurate metaphor for my sex life, it’s not even funny.

Thank you, universe, for this headline. Seriously.

OH my goodness!

Whoa! That’s an easy win for T-Shirt of the Week:

Stupid shit like this happens on such a regular basis, the fast-food places should just come up with a special complimentary dessert item for the occasion.  Call it a Tort Torte.

Yeah, the only way this would’ve been close to appropriate would be to offer something like a VISA gift card, giving the customer the option to use it anywhere else on the planet.

Hee! All this needs is some teeny tiny cell phones.

Sadly, Donna Douglas was not available.

He is a drunk, and a liar. And he’s also a devout Catholic.

Take your damn star.

This jumped out at me too. The alcohol-fueled rages are bad enough, but the sober ones are even scarier.

Here’s a topical tune from back in the day when that Dan Quayle thing was a thing.

“(A real-life thing that was afflicted upon our long-suffering Candice Bergen.)“

Thanks for your reply.  I apologize for being insensitive.  Next time I’ll think awhile longer before I start typing.

Right now I can’t help but think that the large majority of politicians accused of various sexual misconduct seem to be Republicans. I don’t doubt that my bias is skewing my viewpoint to some degree, but that’s sure as hell how it looks to me these days.

There’s definitely something about these damn “Your Speed” things that can bring out the juvenile delinquent in a person. I’ve always tried to be a safe driver (at least since my teenage years), and yet, even I find myself trying to top my score at the local radar sign. At age 61. In my shitty little 2.2L HHR.

Wow! Thanks for the reminder. Y’now, with this whirlwind of current events, I had forgotten that BEN CARSON IS COMPLETELY OUT OF HIS FUCKING MIND.

By the way, Bill Maher cribbed your joke tonight: