A couple of years ago, I was using the facilities at work when I produced a single, sustained fart that must have lasted for 30 or 40 seconds. It was kind of transcendent. It had a beginning, a middle and an end, just like a well-crafted pop tune. I’ve never managed anything close to it, before or since.

“A) To piss on it three times a day,”

He couldn’t even be bothered to come up with an original logo:

Look, just stop trying to make head-to-toe body stockings happen. It’s not going to happen.

<ding!> Star.

Hello! Captain Pedant here. Attempting to fuck a bag of dicks is (presumably) a unique exercise in frustration.

Thanks for posting these. As an aside, the name Adele seems to fit this woman’s image perfectly.

For what it’s worth, I’ve discovered that the less sugar & junk carbs I consume, the better I feel. And not just a little - it’s like being on antidepressants without the drugs. The trick is sticking with it of course, but it can be done. Good luck to us both all.

Damn - staying sober is one thing, but to actually stop drinking in the middle of all this... That takes guts.

“Drinking won’t help. Drinking won’t help”

Holy SHIT! I just finished a yummy toasted cheese sammich, not 15 minutes ago, I swear to god.

Thanks for the kind words, everyone. I appreciate it, and I apologize for the melodrama. I know that getting drunk now would be a sure way to lose what little control I still have over my own destiny.

.

Jesus God.

So now I gotta get sloppy drunk and look at Anne Hathaway’s feet?!

Lookit little Alanis in Paisley! Hee!

I was on the other side of this scenario last year. While leaving the grocery store, the wind was blowing like a bastard, and it blew my receipt out of one of the bags. I needed the receipt for something, so I left my shopping cart to chase after it. As I was turning to go back, I watched the wind take hold of the…

Thanks a lot. I just discovered I’m all out of bleach (to pour in my eyes), and it’s like 4 fucking degrees outside.

Don’t look at the camera don’t look at the camera oh SHIT

Logged in just to star that one.