When they perform masculinity while maintaining their femininity performances as well. You can love football and drinking beer and "being one of the guys" so long as you are also pretty and extremely femme.. in fact, one probably has to maintain an even higher level of feminine performance to offset the "masculine"…

My first year of grad school we had an eminent scholar visiting from Oxford (so eminent they made a commemorative gargoyle of him). He's teaching us and in the middle of our seminar pulls a large piece of dead skin off of his scalp and eats it. I can never read his scholarship without seeing this image in my mind.

That is why I don't let our dogs lick my face. My boyfriend thinks I'm being mean because I'm not letting them show me affection but I don't care. I know they eat poop and vomit and lick each other's assholes.

"That's what we like long and big. That's what I am," he said.

He frequently pronounces his last name as "Fi-etti" or "Fee-eddy", so this is not unexpected. (I'm still waiting for him to mess up and say "Tree-Fiddy")

I used to press the hell out of well done burgers because, well, they ordered it well done so fuck em. You ordered a shoe on a bun, I gave you a shoe on a bun. Never got a complaint.

I wonder how they describe diet Coke at this restaurant? Or water?

This was loving posted on The Chive a while back…

Oh you'll get over it.

LISTEN HERE, MY FRIEND, THIS SLAMMIN JAMMIN FLAVOR FIESTA DOESN'T STOP WITH SOME PISSY LITTLE SANDWICH. FOR ROUND TWO, PREPARE YOUR FACEHOLE FOR THE POUNDING IT DESERVES. WE'VE GOT SATAN'S OWN YOU-DAHO POTATOES, AN INCREDIBALLER DISH WHERE WE'VE DUMPED AN ENTIRE BAG OF SPUDS AND THREE POUNDS OF CIGARETTE BUTTS INTO A…

I don't know why, but the thing that bothered me the most about this post is that he (or his staff) is still saying things are money. What is this? 1997?

I'm surprised he doesn't have something on the menu called "Purple stuff."

RING THE BELL IN FLAVORTOWN SQUARE BECAUSE GUY REVERE IS RIDING HIS 4-COURSE FLAVOR HORSE THROUGH THE STREETS TO WARN YOU ABOUT HIS BRAND NEW CASH MONEY DELI BRO-GIE JAM PACKED WITH MORE MEAT THAN A DRUNK SORORITY GIRL ON A SATURDAY NIGHT. AND THIS AIN'T NO GAY-OLI MY FRIENDS, OUR STRAIGHT GANGSTER VOLCANO AIOLI SAUCE…

Given your username, I feel like you saw this and went "MY MOMENT HAS ARRIVED."

On another note, watching cooking shows while on the treadmill is either amazing or torture, depending on the day. :)

Yet he's laughing all the way to the bank thanks to middle America.

MAKING FUN OF GUY FIERI IS CLEARLY ABLEIST BECAUSE HE CAN'T HELP THAT HE IS A DOUCHEBAG.

I don't know about down to earth. I definitely went to a super diverse school. We had rich kids whose parents owned million dollar homes, and we had poor kids who lived in government housing. I think some teachers were just more cognizant of where some of the kids came from and made exceptions for them, which was nice…

OMG I want one! It jumps so cute!