His original suspension was only 6 games, but Selig bumped it to 8 after noting that even with a 60 foot head start, he still didn't knock Greinke's skinny ass over

Harrelson is horrible. I'd spend more time explaining why but I think everyone else on this string will do that work for me. What can I say, it's Friday and I'm lazy.

I mean, you HAVE to upgrade a stadium after winning the Super Bowl, right?

Guys guys...he plays for the Spurs. The only jewelry they use are those stupid copper bracelets to help with arthritis. No WONDER the team isn't being cooperative, amirite?

"Wait, coaches can't also be a daddy?" —Karen Sypher's leg

This marks the first time that ESPN has ever sent out a memo to their staff that didn't end with "Also, please stop banging each other in all the break rooms, Berman's pretty pissed he's not being included."

Literally NO ONE in Phoenix is surprised. Jermaine O'Neal is the oldest little child in the history little children.

Since when does Mark Sanchez report for TMZ?

Kelly Olynyk had breakfast with a friend, and may have possibly decided to stay another year

Just because a higher seed is upset doesn't make the seeding process incorrect. Every team in the nation lost at least two games this year, and I would guess all of them lost at least one to a team that was inferior than them. Does that mean they shouldn't have made the tournament?

Drew (and all other mosquito bite victims)—a dryer sheet. Put it in your pocket, around the grill....hell, wrap your drink in one. They stay away. Trust me.

I believe this injury is commonly referred to as "embarrassment"

Bought this shirt at TJ Maxx. TOLD you motherfuckers I was smart!

I don't need socks. I can't afford socks. Wait, what?

I am praying that Phil Hellmuth was the one that wrote that ad...

Drew, you should move to Seattle, like fantasize about! Sure it rains a lot and everyone there is a piece of shit liberal hippie, but....SEAHAWKS

The real error here were those sunglasses, obviously.

That was a fast three seconds!

Whitlock responded to a comment of mine last week and called you "sophomoric." According to Webster's, that means:

By the looks of the mug shot, I think we should all be thankful he wasn't operating a tractor