Jermajesty>>>>>>>>Saint

I love the typo hare to the throne, like I’m now picturing them raising a bunny as their child and insisting everyone act like it’s a real baby. “Umm his name is Saint, have some respect”

ALL HAIL OUR NEW BABY OVERLORD.

Better:

old erick erickson reaches a piece of pita for the communal hummus at a christmas party he got dragged to and recoils, citing muscle memory, as if he’s been shocked

Young Erick Erickson tries to order borscht at a restaurant, Mr Erickson slaps his hand

Yes and yes.

Best SNL of the season so far. The Santa Baby short was crazy and hilarious.

10/10 would bang

And a couple more short ones, just because the plethora of weird sex dreams I have could become a novel.

1) I was fucked by the entire cast of Magic Mike on the floor while surrounded by the entirety of my male friend group from college (15+guys).

I don’t remember a lot of my weird sex dreams, so this is all I have to give

Alex Trebek. We were going to town, sweaty and frantic and he kept yelling, “Who is....your daddy?” over and over again like they phrase it on Jeopardy. Suddenly he pulled out and I was standing naked in front of the studio audience, crying.

Ohhhhh myyy god it was not a joke I KNOW he was serious and now he’s just trying to play it off.

Now this is undeniably a War on Christmas salvo. I can’t even.

the card:

And it regards to that quote, he only said that because his mother did.

His first case of hemorrhoids will solve that problem.

The guy did the shopping? My boyfriend always buys the most awful cheap toilet paper because he doesn’t have a sensitive vulva to wipe.

What does it mean that they buy cheap toilet paper but expensive tissues?? What's the PATTERN?

Maybe Olivia leaked the address to the press because there’s still someone on the run and she hopes this will make them come back to the apartment. If I’ve learned anything from Olivia it’s that she KNOWS WHAT SHE’S DOING