Pheidippides nutz.

The team is now claiming it was an indirect attempt to honor the Native American tradition of bartering.

*Bursts into Kinja panting and out of breath*

I worked in Switzerland for 4 years. Where’s my family’s halftime show?

I’ve always had a fantasy where they bring out the family and kids, and when they say turn around or Let’s welcome home Corporal Marine Todd, the family turns around overjoyed and then they wheel out a casket with the flag draped over it.

An incomplete list of things I hate about the NFL:

Shouldn’t you be bouncing on Jerry’s lap?

I would like to apologize to America for making them watch that fat fuck Chris Christie root for The Dallas Cowboys. Honestly If I could find one person in NJ who admitted to voting for that rude, disgusting, uneducated morally bankrupt fat fuck I would beat them to death. While that useless tub of shit is costing the…

“Was it Sting?”

Why does he always look like he is wearing clothes from that episode of Star Trek TNG when Picard gets trapped in that machine that allows him to live another person’s life in the span of like an hour?

I’m not one of those people who despises Kim Kardashian. I’ve tried to be, but I lack the will to care about her with any degree of intensity beyond that which I feel for breakfast cereal. Which is to say: essentially nil. I think she’s vapid and self-absorbed but is, on the whole, a decent person who works hard and…

So at what point after all the carnage has been stretchered out of the building, does bro in the black shirt behind the black cop next to the girl covering her mouth say to her, as she cries from her first experience with death, “I bet there’s no line at concessions right now...I’ll be right back”. He leaps over the…

I guess he didn’t care if he ever got back.

We were a few sections over and watched them do cpr for 10 minutes. I immediately said, great A-rod just killed a guy. Almost simultaneously my wife slapped me for being insensitive.

What a strange homage to Thurman Munson.

Do you know what Brokeback Mountain has in common with the NFL?

More like ‘Poke-A-Hot-Ass’ amirite?

“Those bastards in Bristol are ruining everything,” Palin continued. “I’ll be babysitting every weekend ‘til I’m fucking 75 years old at this rate.”

“Now...where was I on the ESPN thing....oh right, Curt Schilling...”