Glad to hear noted non-asshole Jerry Seinfeld chime in.

Yeah, Bernie has been a grumpy octogenarian for the last thirty years.

Just nitpicking for nitpicking’s sake: Bernie is younger than Nancy. But your point still stands.

Music these days has become so oversexualized. My anaconda wants none unless it brings me closer to god.

Mea culpa, I should have known that historically the AV Club’s comment section is not a place for silly jokes.

Fucking hell. Had to look up what that was. Can’t believe he took part in something as nefarious as this:

It’s a leap day.

A man, a plan, a shaman, Panama.

For way too many men sex isn’t about love and attraction but about power and control.

Impressible.

Is it just me or does the article repeat the same point about Burton’s childhood over and over? Not sure if it’s AI-”assisted” but it reads like a 7th grader stretching his essay to reach the assigned word count.

Gen Z is killing the carrier pigeon industry.

Yesss, let the hate flow through you!

What a bonkers idea. They’d never do something as deranged as this. Totally bananas.

They also have in common that both do amazing soundtrack work:

... but enough about my sex life.

I really can’t tell if this article is serious. Her being replaced is part of the joke. It’s parodying the Eurodance tradition of constantly switching out band members without anyone saying a word about it.

The list is credited to Ian Spelling. Since nobody at the AV Club knows Spelling, it’s safe to assume the name is fake.

I assume the third Justin is Timberlake since he has a habit of riding on the coattails of black excellence.