Pearl is my dog’s name. How dare you bring her into this.

I don’t know what is getting me hotter: the thought of that dimple chinned prince sucking down the booger like meat of an oyster or that fucking sick belt he won in the process. Either way, totally wet rn.

Somehow I feel like writing a show more in line with the reality of the actual nightmare it is to work for Nasty Gal would be way funnier.

I am so with you. Sometimes your rage and anger is the only thing sustaining you so why give that up in the name of forgiveness? Some people and some crimes don’t deserve to be forgiven and the people who have been wronged are entitled to their hatred and rage. Leave it to religious types to make everything as simple…

Aww what sweet pretty babies

Glad he clarified America is only filled with rugged men types. I had a feeling I didn't really exist. Thanks NRA man!

You too friend!

I am 29 for 3 weeks and 5 days more and I know of her AND remember her from Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.

LINDY. QUEEN OF MY HEART.

Corey Feldman makes me so sad because even though he is a clearly disturbed adult you catch glimmers of how intelligent and expressive he is and it's so fucking heartbreaking to think people just broke him as a child to this end.

I turn 30 next month and that made me feel like an ancient withered old crone

I think Ivanka Trump has the capability to be a perfectly level headed intelligent woman but to utter phrases like ‘He has total respect for women’ about her father...like come the fuck on. Stop it.

Sometimes. We are really close for the most part. I think I have Facebook to thank. But she has her moments where I'm just like, what the fuck why did you just respond like an angst you teen to that thing.

Like this:

A baby Alien. It's the best we can hope for. A human infant would be fucked. At least Alien would get sustenance from her abdominal cavity.

Like you can detect it in your mind when you're like oh fuck I'm not PMSing at all and my uterus is literally tingling with life but like, no otherwise you can't and would be in total control of whether or not you shared the news

Did she marry and have kids too young too? I feel like a lot of my sister’s adolescent behavior has a lot to do with the fact that she didn’t get an opportunity to make non-permanent mistakes in her early 20s

How is announcing your own pregnancy at 4 weeks out of your control?

I haven't had it for like 5 years now. I hear the only thing I'm missing is over sharing by my oldest sister and political statements from my redneck asshole cousin across the country. Needless to say I have never been tempted by anything less.

So you're generalizing an entire population of people based on your interaction with a single individual. Cool. You seem great.