I stole my parents’ cable company info and just access everything I want through their online account.

Just before the final out, my 95 year old grampa, veteran of two wars, cancer survivor, and long-suffering cubs fan, pulled me aside and, with a tear forming in his steel grey eyes, said, “The blacks ruined this neighborhood and your sister dresses like a whore.” This was for him.

Yo, that Cubs radio broadcast was straight garbage.

Some perspective on how historic this is:

Look, I know we’re supposed to warmly accept everybody these days without asking questions or showing the faintest hint of confusion or disgust... but come on, man.

WHAT DID YOU EXPECT ITS A MILE HIGH

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1 800 273 8255. Don’t be ashamed to ask for help when watching terrible football. Titans-Jaguars this Thursday. Get help, folks.

Bobody’s nurfict.

Woah. What a Werrible Winjury.

Bishop should get a break here. It’s tough to tend the net when you can only move diagonally.

Sorry, Patrick, the correct title was “What is Alex Trebek Hilariously Shits On Jeopardy! Contestant And Her Whole Crew For No Reason”.

Obligatory.

Wasn’t this more or less the plot of “Rocky Balboa”?

Yes.

Counterpoint:

Graft versus Host disease is real my friends...

I’m not sure how helpful this is going to be. Canadians all look the same to me, with their beady little eyes and flappin’ heads full of lies.

9/10 baseball men agree: do not do this. go orioles.

How about that. A touching story from Penn State that doesn’t make me throw up.

“Disorder’s for me. Dat one, too.”