ALL OF YOU PEOPLE HERE NEED TO STOP DRIVING ON THE PHONE. please, before you T-bone someone.

To the first LW, just say, “Hey, it sounds like you’re driving, so I’m going to let you focus on the road. Call me later when you’re at home.” If she only wants to talk to you for her entertainment while she's on the road, then she's a shitty friend and you don't need her.

Is there anyway the Clippers can hack DeAndre, thus extending the Free Agengy period?

That is definitely not a 2198 square meter house, oh ye of little familiarity with the metric system.

Skip: Chestnut didn’t bring A game. Too complacent. Thought he could show up & and win. Lost clutch gene this year. Stonie is new dog in town.

Dwyane Wade: (Signs contract)

I remember him saying this when he spoke at my graduation. Incredible speaker/sushi maker.

I haven’t seen an organization distance themselves this much from a Mike Richards since the Laugh Factory.

Pujols reacts as if that was definitely supposed to hit someone in the dugout but not Cano. Like the assassin he paid a ton of money to just killed the wrong man

Evil Dead 2!

#GOATUS

Let’s make it easy for you, Josh: You know every time you get torched on that slant by, oh, Alshon Jeffery or Jordy Nelson, and you didn’t want to give up that big reception on third-and-12 but they did it anyway? You’re the 10-year-old, they’re the 30-year-old.

Hey buddy, why don’t you make like Stuart Scott’s eye and look somewhere else?

I express many thanks for awarding of American Cup of Hockey Award and am blessed for being straddled by the thighs of Chicago. Beneath the cheese I will glaze the ham, as was the old way.

I had a threesome with the bride and groom a week before their wedding as my wedding gift to them.

Guarantee that Rousey double shank legs Coerria right off of a rear choke helix. If Coerria lasts through all of that, I’d be surprised if Rousey doesn’t immediately force a Janckman’s Plexus on her and shatter her buttonhook. Coerria’s only shot is a quick, accurate Miranda’s Reversal into a hog-nosed bat tap. Once…

Another year in the cellar for the Cleveland Women, though.

We are dangerously close to having more Pro Ultimate Frisbee coverage than Stanley Cup Finals coverage.

If you don’t hate the Cardinals, maybe you’re the one who needs to see a doctor. Just not natural.