This is really one of those golden opportunities for me. I mean, what if I call and we really hit it off? I’m just saying what if MY call is the ONE CALL he answers out of thousands and we vibe. I feel like we would vibe, me and Jimmy Butler the professional basketball star. It would probably start slow. Like he’d…

It’s a real Pennsylvania Avenue Freezeout.

Get Scott Baio out there with a Guitar Hero. Done. Everybody happy.

Somewhere, Phil Kessel is rolling in his gravy.

Flawleth? I don’t think tho! ;)

Maybe not in France and London?

Atlanta Braves closer has to be pretty high on the list.

The Twins may have just found a hidden Gem(ini)

Let’s cut the guy some slack on his day off. It’s not easy being a St. Louis policeman.

Dunking is great because when you get up there and slam the potato into the goal you have a moment to wonder if your dad will ever really love you. He won’t and you have to get back on defense or you’ll be fired from the game by the Captain.

He was concussed. No question. Wasn’t intentional. I know hockey. Believe me. I know. I watch the best hockey.

When beating Duke, celebration krzyld be kept to a minimum.

“Carson? Great guy. Sleeps like a baby—a strong baby. A patriot baby. Can we do better though? Absolutely. I will outsleep Carson in my sleep. Great guy tho.”

Ordinarily, such a coordinated attack on Kardashian Prime would not be countenanced.

I can digit.

Prosecutor: “Now Mr. Pierre-Paul, is the man who tweeted your medical records in the courtroom today?”

Copacaban him for life

Seriously, if Freud diagnosed our society he’d just roll his eyes and say “Oh my God, could you be more of a Me-ian cliche? THEY’RE NOT ACTUALLY PENISES.”

That’s the only check from a Schilling’s bank account that is being sent to the state of Rhode Island.