Doesn't want to waste the genes, except on Bill Maher.

"Montenegro? Fine, just don't put it on Instagram."

God, please tell me this isn't true. I can't handle the thought of him being around for another 90 years.

"Can you help me with my resume?"

Pete Carroll answered that question the same way recently, didn't fare so well.

Leave him alone, YouTube wasn't working.

"Interestingly enough, the victim found strangled in the parking lot had been found wearing a pair of Air Ted Bundys, the shoes Ted Bundy designed from prison to help potential victims flee more effectively from their would-be attackers."

Don'r be such a fatalist.

"Give me money. Money me. Money now. Me a money needing a lot now"

C3 PO'ed.

I bet it was that goddamn water hog Bison Dele.

Just when I was getting used to the fact that no one cared about my stupid boner.

Also, one time I got a guy to go home with me by saying we could make a sleeping fort. We did, which he promptly passed out in.

Yet there's still only one true master of Perkins game:

Why is your mustard black?

I agree that it's really tough for Teravainen to replicate what Kane does, especially since he doesn't turn 21 until September.

So after getting corn-holed by half of Gawker, would you say your asshole is orange and white or blue and black?

It would be a hell of a catch if you guys can secure it.

Love to hear Chicago feeling sorry for itself as if they didn't just resign the WNBA's 2014 Sixth Woman of the Year Allie Quigley to the defending Eastern Conference champions, the Chicago Sky. For multiple years no less! Spoiled much?

I think it was called "Survey Says" and he was the host, Jimmy Survey.