true story. Maybe because it's in the past? How about the monastery? That whole series is rapey. pirate rape? Witch rape. I think I recall at least four rapes across the series.

I use Urban Decay and I think the other one I have is from Benefit. But the Urban Decay is my makeup hero.

To be fair, Terry Pratchett is literally the only reason I have any idea what a Morris dancer is.

You should see my Yelpbags series.

Here in Denver nobody can pronounce 'quinoa' (to be fair, this was a few years ago); I've heard myriad variations, but my favourite was 'quinn-oh-na' as in Quinona Ryder. *Snort* Even after subtly using the correct pronunciation the woman still insisted on calling it quinona.

My other favourite story was when I was…

We have a lady who always asks for us to leave the chick peas off of her salad to which we reply we do not not have we ever put chick peas on our salads. Once you bring the salad out she will huff and puff and hold up the peppercini and exclaim she didn't want any chick peas. She's been told many times that it is not…

When I worked at Olive Garden, I had a couple complain that their wine tasted like rotten fruit.

What about beavers?

Don't worry my teacher also said:

I would read that entire book. Most magnificent excerpt.

It's porn. People who make porn aren't regarded throughout the world for their mastery of whatever medium they're working in. This gives us passages like: "'Holy guacamole!' she gasped, as his 5 dollar foot long ding dong flopped onto the table like one of those bean bag door stoppers. She stared at it, drooling…

And, you know what, even if she was way off base and being all mean and shit, wouldn't even mind.

that gif is everything.

Fucks given - 0

What's the big deal? She's not naked or having sex in the picture, she's looking at a math book. People need to get over their hang ups on porn and stop instantly demonizing anything and everything that's even tangently related. If you told me nothing about that photo I'd assume it's just some random stock b roll.

You can exercise while pregnant, if your doctor says all is well. Pregnancy isn't an illness. It is a state of health.

I AM PRINCESS VAJAZZARAL FROM PLANET MUFFZOR. BOW DOWN BEFORE ME OR YOU SHALL KNOW THE FIERY WRATH OF MY PIERCINGS AND RHINESTONE BIKINI AREA APPLIQUES.

America's creepy old uncle everyone wishes would stop coming to family functions.