3 hours later the staff responsible for the mistake were made to consume every bag of gummy penises (and then some). Their only regret is they wish they had packaged them in boxes instead of bags. The "Dick in a Box" reference was lost upon the furious management team.

I occasionally have spidey senses. I'll walk into a room and know where it is. Once I went into my room, thought 'under my pillow', and sure enough there was some poor unfortunate clinging on to the under part of my pillow when I lifted it up. Well, I screamed the place down at 2am.

Fact: she wakes up at 4:35 to hold up the sun and assist with its rise.

Fact: in her spare time she lounges on a pillar clad in only a resplendent toga for all to bask in her glory.

*does 5 lunges* WHY DON'T I LOOK LIKE SERENA WILLIAMS YET.

My grandpa was an ELCA minister. A more bleeding heart liberal was never seen. (Although, I am Catholic and my high school had a Gay-Straight Alliance 10 years ago, so its not all bad on our front either)

Oooh, I forgot to add the caveat that it has to be retail or fast food so that you have to deal with members of the public. One can work at other minimum wage jobs as well, but it requires 2x as long.

Man, the real world is going to be a hell of a rough patch for you, kid.

When I was a kid I liked to spin the toilet paper so it'd all roll out and then re-roll it up again. One time I did this and a roach fell out and scuttled away.

I'm guess you're ELCA and not Missouri/Wisconsin synod?

Love you guys! Lutherans know how to party.

That actually sounds like the worst job ever because it is both sticky and cold. Ugh, and my arm would just kill after not too long digging out all those balls. I am not an ambidextrous scooper.

The person that made that meme is nuts. I'd totally live there. I'd creep past the windows in a long, tatty Mrs. Havisham gown.

That doesn't sound fun even though it involves ice cream.

If anything more than 0 spiders drops on my face when I first move into a new home I am taking that as an Amityville Horror-esque sign that I need to get out GET OUT GEET OOOUT

I just can't with egg globs. Or whatever the scientific term is for that disgusting evolutionary nightmare.

This is absolutely my worst fear. I just can't with hidden bugs.

These are clearly the important questions.