My wife inexplicably loves archery based heroes and I equally love jokes about archery being a super lame power. 

You left out the bit where it prefers to kill children and if it is leaching life from a child its flame will be brighter 

I enjoyed this narrative. The lore is so complex. There’s a typo in this sentence: “You wish you could yell back, but you know your dead.”

There are two types of pokemon trainers:
1. I love Chandelure because it’s a haunted chandelier.
2. I hate Chandelure because it’s a haunted chandelier.

There it stood in the darkness;

“Up ahead in the distance, I saw a shimmering light. My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim, I had to stop for the night.”

“No Shuppet, no Shuppet! You’re the Shuppet!”

Well, it’s not quite a shoe, and it’s not quite a puppet, but man… heh heh… So to answer your question, I don’t know.

I see shitty people............

The real question is, if Shuppet remove the bad feelings by eating them, how do pharmaceutical companies extort you for the mobbed-by-Shuppets treatment?

They’re also kidnapping clampearls in new snap!

Would life insurance companies honor spirited away via Drifblim? Asking for a friend.

Fun fact- Drifblim can learn Fly, so you can use it to transport instantly from town to town in the main games. Scyther cannot learn Fly, but sure- let’s trust the ghost blimp kidnapper over the cool-ass mantis with blades for arms!

I say the Drifblim are doing something like this.

3 years and already phoning it in Zack?

The temperatures in the Pokedex entries never make any sense— "this pokemon safely houses temperatures hot enough to melt through the Earth's crust like butter, yet it's cool to the touch!" They must have chambers of pure vacuum or something between their skin so that they aren't ever heating anything up.

Let me speak to your ‘Mon-ager!

Perhaps I have the humor of a middle school child, but joining came and erupt is just...it feels like someone had to have known.

So much to say!