“People think I’m fun at parties. I’m not.”

You should see my balls.

You’re so right.

The internet is making everyone crazy.

People think I’m a real bitch BECAUSE i’ve shanked them. they are also right.

Meanwhile, if I report people telling women that “they should be raped, killed, strung up, and put on display” as a threat, I get told it doesn’t violate guidelines.

Magical.

You only have a two-minute commute? I’m envious!

I had a dude who seriously thought that the clit and the g-spot were the same thing. he was also convinced that they were located inside of my vagina because he could feel it with his finger.

“Why does it have to be on a bus?!?!?!?!”

This is brilliant. You can sit down on a bike, pedal it, and end up somewhere completely different than where you started. How else are you supposed to get that kind of experience?

Whaaaat??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? is the point when we have these:

It’s not that unheard of. I exercise during my commute too by masturbating furiously while I drive home from work.

Jesus, I can understand the poor sap who misses to the north or south. But being wrong on the east/west scale is just unforgivable. Do they think the clit is like the thumb of the vagina? Just hangin’ off to the side while being highly functional?

Remember, if a child even glimpses a female nipple, it will be irrevocably damaged and turn to a life of whoredom, lasciviousness, jezebelery, and the having of sex.

Donald...

It looks bigger when you hold it in a tiny hand...

Under the Trump dictatorship the only exercise taught in American schools will be mental gymnastics.

“Jewry.” Did Horowitz learn everything he knows about Jewish people from reading the Elders of Zion? Who talks like this? This screed felt so antiquated that I kept expecting him to drop the term “Jewess.” I knew how racist this country was but this election has really opened my eyes to how anti-Semitic so many…

I’d venture that “Lord Humungus” offers little to no serious political commentary on his feed and that he’s smaller than average on his best day.

The existential crisis of today’s conservative: wanting to bash Obama for propping up Muslims in the Middle East against Israel, while still blaming Jews for all our world’s ills.