SO close!

#balllivesmatter

Shaq thinks she should have asked for weekly paychecks so that ESPN wouldn’t think she was making so much.

I thought John Skipper paid McHenry $130,000 to not speak or write publicly about her time at ESPN.

Kupchak. I mean, McConnell.

wait ... with that many chins how isn’t this guy Chinese?

Why should sex be only for the young? You might not have it as often when you’re older, but I’ll wager older folks have better sex than younger ones because we’ve learned who we are and what we like.

A facial manifestation of his wee wee?

69% of women between 65 and 80 believe sex is important to a relationship at any age

...or an impressionist’s view of a Klan rally.

Donald Trump told a story about how he signed the first half of his name (“Donald”) before reading what he was signing

Oh, it never gets too petty for Paul Ryan; he is the Padrino of Paltry.

This is a peak 2am conversation between someone who has been dusting lines since 9pm and someone that is stone-cold sober.

Spot quiz: which picture is the funeral?

“Kanye West doesn’t care about black people.”

“...the devil doesn’t need any more advocates.”

Oh god that picture is giving me nightmares. Fuck these old turds who cheap out and only cap the “social six.” Sparkling porcelain up top and a sink strainer full of corn kernels on the bottom. Blergh.

Yeah, it’s not Jerry Brown’s first rodeo. His refusal to kowtow is half the reason Mango Unchained is gunning for him so hard.

I wish I’d known this as a kid, when I got hauled into the principal’s office on the regular, it now turns out wrongly, for “inappropriate language.”

He should say he majored in geology, not imply that he has done advanced worked work in the field in the recent past.