I have a buddy who’s a farrier. Pretty high volume of horse ass in that line of work.

Mnuchin and Two Chin

“Are you looking for a house with tons of useless knick-knacks and white paint near the scenic Mt. Carmel Center cult compound historical sight? Than boy do we have a show for you! Ignore that factory that’s billowing smoke in the distance. And our rape-happy sports teams. Look! Shiplap!”

Imagine how many games Shawn Kemp would have missed if he attended all the births of his kids.

We called the one in my home town Six Flags Over Jesus. It’s across from an outdoor mall now, and they’re the same damn size!

I’m just glad this wasn’t a fluff piece.

-“American voters’ second-choice, Donald Trump...”

To be a parent is to worry, regardless of the state of the world. But it is also worth it: if you want to have them, kids are absolutely a marvel. It’s okay not to want them, too. But don’t let the world or conservative assholes scare you if you really want them.

In other news, I demand damages from the incoming Trump administration.

I live outside of Florida so the local news is unwatchable. “Tonight on News4 the Pumpkin Toss Challenge...Is it safe?”

“Don’t bring fists to a car fight”

Where did Israel and Palestine get peace?

I explained shade to my parents and my dad said: “There’s a word for what your mom does?” He now rejoices in pointing out shade where he finds it. He’s extremely accurate.

I think Trump has found his Secretary of Education.

The SS Constitution. Sank on its way to being scrapped.

Not that it will change anything but just sent that to the City Manager of El Centro. They must be so proud.

Teen birthrates in the rural areas are noticeably higher.”

I’m not a podiatrist, but I make my living treating people for bunions.

which is remarkably funny, because melania totally aped the first lady’s speech, in heels.

All he wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi. But they wouldn’t give it to him.