I gave birth last Christmas.

My husband and I are huge Below Deck fans. And Captain Lee quotes translate surprisingly well in our lives. “I’d rather drag my nuts through broken whiskey bottles than deal with these people” among my faves. 

Literally bumped into Robin Williams in a hotel lobby in NYC. I was 13 and blurted out, “I LOVE YOU!” and he smiled down at the floor and told me he loved me, too. 

My husband fell asleep during the final scene of the Jinx (when he confess-burps) and I have still never forgiven him and at least once every few months, I remind him.

“Pretending” that being a mom makes you tired? stay at home moms live in the lap of luxury? Fuck you. Do you know what I’d give to have enough free time for a run and a steam room? You’re a pretentious asshole. 

When I was raped, my best friend at the time had a huge crush on the rapist. She know what happened, but was upset with me because somehow I had crushed her dream of dating this guy. I somehow felt guilty for “ruining” her (nonexistent) relationship with a rapist. I felt so alone and just...confused.

It sounds like an onamonapia for puking.

This kinja is like dessert and dancing after an amazing meal served by footstools. Just perfect.

I remember my first UTI...I rolled off my bed into my beanbag, because I couldn’t make it to the bathroom, and I just laid there silently sobbing and peeing.

Worked with her on the oprah special and can attest—she is an inspiration to us all. Not just to trans people, but also to every one of us who struggles to be respected for who we are.

My brother thinks this way, only he sides with “abort immediately. If you told me you were on birth control, I should not have to father a child I don’t want.” He gets super befuddled when I point out to him that...it’s not his choice. IT’S ALWAYS THE WOMAN’S CHOICE. Deal with it.

“Have sex with you while sleeping”

Is this the 5 minute break wherein you all stop snubbing Florida with your lame bugs bunny gifs and stereotypes, and actually appreciate the diversity and culture of our (sinking) state? K thanks, snobs!

In Atlanta, I got to meet John Lewis! He was sweet to my kid also.

The other day on her Instagram she wore one of my favorite designers, STATE. January and I have the same robe!

Being greyed in the comments really made me identify with Tiffany. It felt bad, but it also felt pretty ok and funny in a weird “nothing really matters” kind of way. Happy New Years, you assholes.

My own 60ish mother dyed her hair blue recently. Probably for attention. Mostly because she’s impulsive and sort of sad and grasping at things to bring her joy. We won’t ever know why Madonna is so very Madonna, but we should question why we are so uncomfortable with older people continuing to “express” and “find”…

It’s not as great as I wanted it to be but don’t try and take this from me. You already greyed me, isn’t that enough rejection?

I thought we’d agreed on “thanks, Ivanka!”

I’m gray?! Oh fuck 2016 im done