You are clearly too classy for me if you’re ordering the filet at the strip club!

If I am eating at a restaurant and I see anyone’s butthole, I want an apology and a free dinner. Buttholes are a dealbreaker. And this is regardless of whether the butthole in question is a ten second butthole or a 15 minute butthole. Also, butthole is an intrinsically funny word, so kudos to Chelsea for using it…

Yeah, I think one of the reasons that people get irate when someone’s like “cheaper cell” or “avocado toast” is that it is hard to imagine that 8 dollars there or 25 dollars a month are going to get you that house with the picket fence in the suburbs (or that condo downtown) when you still owe five figures on your…

Or the people who get on escalator, text while riding and then step off and all but stop. I will take that from a tourist, but you, woman who I see on the red line at least twice a week? You know better. And yet you are doing this every time I see you. I’ve seen at least two people run into her and one person heel her…

It’s always horrifying, isn’t it? It just never stops being horrifying.

My guess? Same legal underpinnings. “Blah, blah, blah...law and order, good intentions, also we don’t want to ruin his life, blah, blah, blah”

I will bet they can get grosser.

Were they? I mean, Hobby Lobby wouldn’t lie about that, would they? They’ve been so honest up until now...

No. They are not to be commended for putting millions into the hands of the caliphate, ensuring that they were able to hurt and kill more people. Sorry. No commendations from me.

Here’s almost the only thing I know about the law: usually rich people don’t go to jail. Also, bible thumping rich people? Don’t go to jail. But I don’t know the legal underpinnings of that.

Well, I’m sure God’s totally ok with filling a museum with stuff you bought from a bunch of guys that behead people on the internet (for starters). Cool beans, Hobby Lobby family. Cool. Beans.

Shoot, I knew this was happening and I can’t afford even the sample tiles that these dealers claimed these artifacts to be.

Even if they were indirectly funding it: ISIS could sell to middlemen simply because there were buyers who wanted the goods and ways to smuggle them into other countries. Capitalism 101: if there are no customers, no dealer is going to buy your stuff. Hobby Lobby ensured there was a market and (yes) they had to know…

The twelfth commandment: Never, for one second, stop asking questions of they fellow woman.

Nope, they are commandments. It’s just that Hobby Lobby, what with their direct line to God, get to break some. Like when cops speed as part of a car chase, you know? It’s all for the greater good. Or something.

Also this funded ISIS. So, anybody who lost a loved one to ISIS, I guess you can take comfort in the fact that this financial support was given in a Godly way?

You know that the formation of oil is measured in geologic time? Like, by 10,000 year increments? It’s cool though, because I set my watch by geologic time. If I’m at the spot within 2,000 years of the appointment I’m on time. Drives my friends NUTS!

Oh, I see it so clearly. The accelerating temperature year over year is just one more example of the planet being a libtard and pandering to conspiracy science!

The arctic and the antarctic are well known gullible saps. If they would read the right media they’d stop their psychosomatic melting. Fricking libtard polar ice caps!

If NASA’s so science-y, why don’t they start doing rocket science? They think they’re so big.