gone girl much????

You Americans... it’s called Kraft Dinner

That sculpturist was really generous in not giving that figure his wonky eyes.

The wife became very alarmed when she saw dolphin on our menu and proceeded to loudly berate me for serving dolphin. I explained several times that the dolphin on our menu was a different creature than the one she was thinking of, even pointing to a large plastic Mahi we had hanging over the bar.

There is so much wrong with this I don't even know. It's like you read half a Wikipedia article of spoilers and extrapolated from there.

Good rule of thumb for anyone aspiring to deliver babies: be kind, a little witty, and listen to the mother-to-be. Whether you’re a midwife, or a woman doctor, or a man doctor, just make sure to do those things in addition to what methods your training prescribes.

You can get turned down for adoption for any number of reasons. It’s not a 100% chance, not by a long shot.

That ending though...

Maybe it's just me, but my vagina doesn't look like that. A Ricola horn, on the other hand—just like that.

I know a girl who constantly complains about being single and blames it on being heavier than the average woman or on guys being superficial and only liking thin, blonde girls. I’m not saying there aren’t guys out there that only go for those type of women but I do think that if you own your body and are comfortable…

I came here for the gifs of Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force and sadly no one has delivered. Fine i’ll be the horrible one.

I’d rather face the ignorant judgmental bs from people like you than have a dead child. Those “leashes” keep children from running off into the street, parking lots and stuff. People driving tend not to see little ones darting out between cars.

Leashes on toddlers are fantastic.

I used one with my son when he was two and we had to take a trip that involved multiple plane changes. I’m not going to risk my son darting away from me in a crowded airport just because other people don’t like seeing a kid on a leash. Look the other way if it bothers you.

I thought I’d never leash my kid. Until at 3 he developed a thing where he hated holding hands but was too big for a stroller. I didn’t feel safe with him just walking along side of me in Philly and any ask of his hand was met with a big ol’ NOPE. I finally leashed him. Problem solved. Both happy.

Bread to go along with the potato? Say what now?

Pnina Tornai

Block.

Ah, but you HAVE heard of me.

Gladiator sandals are my special pet peeve. First, ugly. Really really ugly. Next, sandals at a music festival? Nasty. Third, what's the point in sandals that restrict any part of your legs? Fourth, they make everyone look short and fat. Everyone.