oh my love......you have a long way to go. Its fine though because pregnancy ends and in my experience, people are totally forgiving to crazed pregnant women.

I once flew into a rage because right at the very end of my pregnancy, I had that pregnant "the baby is about to shoot out of me" waddle and my friends giggled about it, but in a 'its cute, the preggy waddle' kind of way. I refused to talk to them and told them to f*ck off and get out of my life. Thank GOD no one…

Funky Joe sounds amazing.

I'M DYING IM DEAD IVE DIED "Dj WetWet's Beats for the Sheets" is THE GREATEST THING I HAVE EVER READ IN MY LIFE.

i once nearly boned a bald, black, wanna-be rapper with zebra print knickers, like, bikini briefs. Like the 80's bikini bottoms you see on Aerobics videos from the period. On a large, bald, black man....in my older brothers bedroom WHAAAATTT???

I entered my own story about a guy who counted the thrusts, but yours is the greatest thing ever.

yeah, i just dont think a real "friend" would want your boyfriend/fiance/husband to see their tits. And i know when we're single its a free-for-all and super fun and being drunk is awsome and sometimes entire pubs/clubs/bars see your tits and shit happens, but to specifically go out of your way to find a friend's…

oh my god! that happened???? do you still have it??? can you upload it to sound cloud please???

I really want to read "Sensual Japanese Love Poems".

We went to highschool together. The first time we ever boned, he was counting, out loud. It wasnt until he gasped out "...three!..." that I realised he was counting at all. When he got to "....six!...." he came. He was counting the thrusts....out loud. He's still known as "Thrusty" to my friends. He went a bit cray…

yeah, im an australian in america and its kind of awkward. What ive noticed people doing is just taking the cash and saying "ill just go get your change" and people either say "dont worry about it, you keep it" or (AWKWARD) take the change back THEN try to give the tip (doesnt count if you do need to make a tip out of…

Craigslist is glorious. In Des Moines, there is a woman who cant seem to let her cheatin' ex go either. She posts ad after ad making general allusions to who the guy is and to who the new squeeze is too. Ive been following her messages for awhile now, usually on a Sunday. We should start a list of local Craigslist…

the origin of the joke comes from another Kitchenette story and its really "monogrammed coffee thermos/es". Can someone a bit cleverer at the internet link it? Its comedy gold, and I'm sorry you missed the original.

From Australia and live in Iowa. I had the experience of my nose boogs freezing for the first time in my life last night. I was all "what IS that? that feels WEIRD". The polar vortex is a cruel weird strange thing. The coldest its ever been in the history of ever where I come from is 30F. And that was in 1901. It was…

plus-size ladies get ALL the perks.

The amount of wealthy bastards that kill over money is unbelievable. I love a good crime show me, and mostly, when people kill, they kill: spouse while they have a side lover, spouse while they have severe money issues, family who won't support them anymore or who they owe large amounts of money to and they are…

You know what? Ive kind of had those thoughts too. HOW does he do it? He manipulates and steals and cons his way through life, without thinking about it or being in any way sorry? I mean, when I get pulled up on anything, if i did it, I feel bad and I apologise and try to make up for it (even if its something really…

the sad part of the story is while she was going throughout he police process, you know, interviews, descriptions of him, making an issuance claim on the brand new phone etc, we were talking about it all. I remember her looking at me with tears in her eyes saying "who the f*ck am I supposed to trust now? Does every…

I had a friend (who we shall call Sassy) who meant some rando (who we shall call Criminal) at a bar one night, they had some laughs, he got her number then disappeared for 2 weeks. He calls her out of the blue and asks if she wants to go out for a drink. They promptly fall into a deep committed relationship with each…

Yeah, Im pretty much over people like you who want to do their own thing on a plane. Stow your purse and be quiet. When the plane takes off, get it back down if its so precious to you. What REALLY shits me is people who are all "oh, my way is better in this scenario. Ill just do what works for me and in the meantime…